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Should the authorities from big cities around the world discourage citizens from using private cars and rather encourage them to use other means of transport such as bicycles, skates, the subway, etc. ? v.1

Should the authorities from big cities around the world discourage citizens from using private cars and rather encourage them to use other means of transport such as bicycles, skates, the subway, etc. ? v. 1
Now a day, television programs are mostly based on reports of crime and criminal activities, which are gaining enormous popularity. These reports have spices of thrill, fear and excitement, which are more appealing to masses than other programs. However, it has numerous adverse effects on the audience by creating panic, depression and urges to perform similar activities as they are getting the details of a particular criminal activity. It is the human psychology that the human mind intrigues more towards elements of thrill, excitement and passion instead of others emotions, so television houses are playing with the minds of masses by showing programs based on criminals and crimes. As a matter of fact, Media houses are concerned more about their channel ratings and TRPs ignoring the fact that they are creating hysteria and frenzy among people. For instance, a report has been published in 'The Dawn' that leading media houses are deliberating aired reports based on criminal activities to get more viewers. Although these shows are gaining much popularity, they are causing insurmountable negative effects on the public because the media has a huge influence on the minds of people and it has an ability to make or mar one society. Firstly, constant exposure to such negative activities has a tendency to create a certain mental ailments such as depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Secondly, by watching a large number of such reports, people who have some criminal tendency learn the new ways of committing crimes. Finally, it gives an overall impression of a pessimistic and unsafe world, for instance, a research is conducted at Cambridge University, which revealed that people now a day’s consider this world less safe place to live, owing to the large number of media reports on crime. In conclusion, television programs related to crimes and criminal activities are immensely popular among masses due to their elements of thrill and excitement. Although it gives some awareness to people, it has uncountable adverse effects on viewers by disturbing their mental health as well as perception of a whole world in which they are residing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
mostly
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which are gaining enormous popularity. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
have spices of thrill, fear and excitement, which are more appealing to masses than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
However
, it has numerous adverse effects on the audience by creating panic, depression and urges
Did you mean "performing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'urge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to perform
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as they are getting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity.

It is the human psychology that the human mind intrigues more towards elements of thrill, excitement and passion
instead
of others emotions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are playing with the minds of masses by showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are concerned
more about their channel ratings and
Possible spelling mistake found.
TRPs
ignoring the fact that they are creating hysteria and frenzy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
report
has
been published
in 'The Dawn' that leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are deliberating aired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more viewers.

Although these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are gaining much popularity, they are causing insurmountable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a huge influence on the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it has an ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
or mar one society.
Firstly
, constant exposure to such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has a tendency to create a certain mental
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "ailment"?
ailments
such as depression, anxiety and panic attacks.
Secondly
, by watching
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
tendency learn the new ways of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Finally
, it gives an
overall
impression of a pessimistic and unsafe world,
for instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
is conducted
at Cambridge University, which revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day’s consider this world less safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, owing to the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
on crime.

In conclusion
, television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
immensely
popular among masses due to their elements of thrill and excitement. Although it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it has uncountable adverse effects on viewers by disturbing their mental health
as well
as perception of a whole world in which they are
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
residing
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Should the authorities from big cities around the world discourage citizens from using private cars and rather encourage them to use other means of transport such as bicycles, skates, the subway, etc. ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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