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Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. To what extent do you agree with this? v.1

Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. v. 1
In the modern workplace, dress codes changing as employers focus more on results than on the rules that employees must follow. While I agree that imposed dress codes are unnecessary and meaningless in many work areas, I believe that it should be still existed in some professions for good reason. On the one hand, many employers stopped telling their staff how to dress, and I see it as positive trends. Some of the most successful companies in the world, such as Google and Facebook, are famous for the relaxed working environments. Employees are encouraged to dress casually, and even company executives are rarely seen wearing anything other than T-shirts and jeans. However, while managers and programmers can be free to dress how they like, they are expected to produce works of outstanding quality. It is clear from the performance and the success of such companies that strict codes are completely unnecessary in some sectors. However, I would also argue that employees' clothing is still important in some other work sectors. We expect certain professionals, such as nurses, officers, firemen, to wear uniforms. These uniforms have a practical or safety function, but most importantly, they identify the person's role in a society. Similarly, a lawyer, a politician, a teacher should choose to wear formal clothing in order to portray an image of authority, trustworthiness and diligence. I believe that most of us prefer to see these professionals in formal attire, even if it is not strictly necessary. In summary, I support the trend toward relaxed dress code for some specific workers, but I do not think that it is totally unnecessary for all work areas.
In the modern workplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
codes changing as employers focus more on results than on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that imposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
codes are unnecessary and meaningless in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
areas, I believe that it should be
still
existed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
telling their staff how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of the most successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the world, such as Google and Facebook, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for the relaxed working environments. Employees
are encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
casually
, and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
executives are rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
wearing anything other than T-shirts and jeans.
However
, while managers and programmers can be free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
how they like, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to produce works of outstanding quality. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the performance and the success of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that strict codes are completely unnecessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sectors.

However
, I would
also
argue that employees' clothing is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
sectors. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
certain professionals, such as nurses, officers, firemen, to wear uniforms. These uniforms have a practical or safety function,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most
importantly
, they identify the person's role in a society.
Similarly
, a lawyer, a politician, a teacher should choose to wear formal clothing in order to portray an image of authority, trustworthiness and diligence. I believe that most of us prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these professionals in formal attire, even if it is not
strictly
necessary.

In summary, I support the trend toward relaxed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
totally
unnecessary for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
areas.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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