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More and more businesses, as well as individuals, are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v.4

More and more businesses, as well as individuals, are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v. 4
Music is not just some melodious sound being played in a movie or a theatre. People often tend to have their own definition of this word. Do we understand the concept of why do we need it? What are its types? Or why traditional is more important than the International ones that we hear globally nowadays? This essay will focus on the notion of music and discuss the crucial role of regional and international music as well. For some people, it is considered to be a sound of Love. Although, this is a language that one doesn’t simply speak, instead, it is needed to be felt. For example, two lovers share their feelings for each other through dancing to the tunes of their song. Another example would be, if a girl has recently moved to a hostel away from her home. However, to be independent, she needs to be strong enough. By the time, she makes new friends, she will have her rhythm to hold on to. There are various types and forms of Music which exists around us, some of it may be traditional or global. If I talk specifically about India, there are around 29 states and almost each of them have their regional tunes, which displays the heritage of a region or a culture. This is why traditional ones possesses more value because it shows the richness of a culture, it enriches the history of that place. In the inference of my above points, I would like to conclude that the people are easily able to connect with their regional rhythms than to any foreign ones as the emotions are very well connected with the land they belong to as it gives them a feeling of home and comfort.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
melodious sound
being played
in a movie or a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
definition of this word. Do we understand the concept of why do we need it? What are its types? Or why traditional is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that we hear globally nowadays? This essay will focus on the notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and discuss the crucial role of regional and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as well
.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it
is considered
to be a sound of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Love
. Although, this is a language that one doesn’t
simply
speak,
instead
, it
is needed
to
be felt
.
For example
, two lovers share their feelings for each other through dancing to the tunes of their song. Another example would be, if a girl has recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to a hostel away from her home.
However
, to be independent, she needs to be strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. By the time, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
new friends, she will have her rhythm to hold on to.

There are various types and forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
which exists around us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of it may be traditional or global. If I talk
specifically
about India, there are around 29 states and almost each of them have their regional tunes, which displays the heritage of a region or a culture. This is why traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
possesses more value
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the richness of a culture, it enriches the history of that place.

In the inference of my above points, I would like
to conclude
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
easily
able to connect with their regional rhythms than to any foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as the emotions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well connected
with the land they belong to as it gives them a feeling of home and comfort.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more businesses, as well as individuals, are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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