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The table below shows the information and prediction regarding the change in the percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries. v.1

The table below shows the information and prediction regarding the change in the percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries. v. 1
It is often argued that good wage is important than a satisfying job. I strongly agree with this opinion and I believe, salary is the key and everything else related to work is not a concern. First of all, I would like to earn a big salary to fulfil all my dreams. Having just an enjoyable job without a good pay will never help us to go the places we wanted to visit or buy things we desire. For example, one of my friends who is working as a small clerk in my hometown always has an interest to visit Belgium, even though, he is happy with his working life. He is not able to afford to book the hotels and flights to travel because of low-scaled pay-scale. So, I always believe a high paid work than opting a satisfactory work lifestyle with insufficient wage. Secondly, with a good income, one can satisfy their family needs and can be more responsible towards them. We cannot imagine when a situation arrives requires a lump sum of money. We have to be ready to face unexpected issues, especially if it is related to health emergencies. For example, my grandfather was detected with a rare skin cancer and doctors can be only treated by specialists in London cancer hospitals. Luckily, with the saving's I paid a very large amount of money as a bill for the treatment involves complicated surgical procedures. One definitely cannot afford to pay who has a very less income. To conclude, Although a satisfying employment makes one feel happy, It cannot fulfil all the expectations. Better pay will always help to be more confident and provides a healthier chance to take up all the responsibilities often closely coupled with money.
It is
often
argued that
good
wage is
important
than a satisfying job. I
strongly
agree
with this opinion and I believe, salary is the key and everything else related to work is not a concern.

First of all
, I would like to earn a
big
salary to fulfil all my dreams. Having
just
an enjoyable job without a
good
pay will never
help
us to go the places we wanted to visit or
buy
things we desire.
For example
, one of my friends who
is
working as a
small
clerk in my hometown always has an interest to visit Belgium,
even though
, he is happy with his working life. He is not able to afford to book the hotels and flights to travel
because
of low-scaled pay-scale.
So
, I always believe a high paid work than opting a satisfactory work lifestyle with insufficient wage.

Secondly
, with a
good
income, one can satisfy their family needs and can be more responsible towards them. We cannot imagine when a situation arrives requires a lump sum of money. We
have to
be ready to face unexpected issues,
especially
if it
is related
to health emergencies.
For example
, my grandfather
was detected
with a rare skin cancer and doctors can be
only
treated by specialists in London cancer hospitals. Luckily, with the saving's I paid a
very
large amount of money as a bill for the treatment involves complicated surgical procedures. One definitely cannot afford to pay who has a
very
less income.

To conclude
, Although a satisfying employment
makes
one feel happy, It cannot fulfil all the expectations. Better pay will always
help
to be more confident and provides a healthier chance to take up all the responsibilities
often
closely
coupled with money.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The table below shows the information and prediction regarding the change in the percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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