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Should stores and businesses be open or closed on Sundays Use details and examples to support your explanation v.2

Should stores and businesses be open or closed on Sundays Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 2
Shopping is the most important part of our lives. In order to get our needs, we have to do shopping from time to time, we need many things such as food, cloths, detergent and even some stuff whcih need them to improve our house. Some people would agree that stores should closed on Sundays because their employees want to spend weekend with their families. Others would disagree. In my view, stores and business should be open on Sundays for two imperative reasons. To begin with, most customers shop in weekend. Because most of people work during the week, so they need to but their needs on Sunday. Take myself as an example, I work in a pharmacy and I have to work all the week since the pharmacy opens all the week, so patients capable to get their medicines that are imporatnt to their health easily. Consequently, my schedule is to tight for my responsibilities, for I have kids and they need many care so I have to purcahse my needs on sunday. I don' t deny the importance of Sunday to mu family, but I do my shopping on Sunday. On the other hand, if stores wouldn' t open on Sundays, I could' t able to buy foods, and other things during the week which is very busy. This experience taught me that stores and businessed should be open on weekends so employees will be able to buy what they need. Hence, in addition to time of most of worker, business will increase their profit on Sundays. Because most of people shop on Sundays, the business will benefit since all these money will go to them as a result, they will flourished and enhance their stores by adding some modifications. For instance, my friend has a grocery shop that owned for three years, he sells many international things such as spices, bread and fruites. Actually, I talked to him three weeks ago and I asked him about his business. In fact, he explained to me that during the week, the shop is mot busy as on the weekends. So this definitely is will help and support him to restore his shop and add many items in it and all this, he will earn more money. As we can clearly see, opening stores on Sundays will add currency to the shop and increase the customers who come to shop. By the way of conclusion, based on the argument above, I concur that stores should be open on Sundays since this is a good method to expand their profit. I believe that opening on weekend, It is worthwhile for customers and for stores.
Shopping is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
from time to time, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as food, cloths, detergent and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stuff
Possible spelling mistake found.
whcih
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "close"
closed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their employees want to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekend
with their families. Others would disagree. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
for two imperative reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekend
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sunday
. Take myself as an example, I work in a pharmacy and I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
since the pharmacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opens
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
patients capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their medicines that are
Possible spelling mistake found.
imporatnt
to their health
easily
.
Consequently
, my schedule is
Did you mean "too"?
to
tight for my responsibilities, for I have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake found.
purcahse
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
sunday
. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sunday
to mu family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do my shopping on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sunday
.
On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
Possible spelling mistake found.
wouldn&
#039; t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
could&
#039; t able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
foods, and other things during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy. This experience taught me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
businessed
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
employees will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what they need.

Hence
,
in addition
to time of
Consider using "most worker" or "most of the worker".
most of worker
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will increase their profit on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will benefit since all
Did you mean "this money" or "these moneys", "these monies"?
these money
will go to them
as a result
, they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "flourish"
flourished
and enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
by adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modifications.
For instance
, my friend has a grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
for three years, he sells
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international things such as spices, bread and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fruit", the plural form of the noun 'fruit'?
fruites
. Actually, I talked to him three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
ago and I asked him about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. In fact, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
to me that during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is mot busy as on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this definitely is will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support him to restore his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
items in it and all this, he will earn more money. As we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
currency to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and increase the customers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to shop.

By the way of conclusion, based on the argument above, I concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sundays
since this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to expand their profit. I believe that opening on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekend
, It is worthwhile for customers and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes

IELTS essay Should stores and businesses be open or closed on Sundays Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
442 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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