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Should stores and businesses be open or closed on Sundays Use details and examples to support your explanation v.1

Should stores and businesses be open or closed on Sundays Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 1
In the human beings' history, females have a significant role in the progression of the civilization; however, their endeavours to nations have not been always recognized worldwide. Some people advocate that respecting and honouring females will contribute to the development of nations. I definitely opine this view due to females' unique roles in human societies and the essay will discuss my view. To begin with, firstly, it is a fact that nations that have promoted equal social status among genders have developed and evolved dramatically in the world. Many European countries' histories provide profound evidences that feminism activities played a leading role in individual national development because these activities enhanced the social status of females in families or societies. By advocating feminism,  women there have earned credits from their male peers and are allowed to contribute themselves to all economic sectors not only as housewives rather professionals. As a result, countries with high awareness of feminism have the better economic performance and become stronger. In addition, females are as essentially important as males in families, societies and even nations. Besides being a wife or mother, they are also able to contribute themselves to their communities if they are allowed. Females are as intelligent and resilient as males. For instance, in the ancient China, feminism had been suppressed in many dynasties until the establishment of current China government. Since then, China has been performed fairly well in the world after Chinese workforce has been open to Chinese females.  Therefore, national leaders who are aware of the significant roles and capacities of females and guide them to contribute to all economic sectors will lead the nation to develop into a harmonious one. In conclusion,   advocating feminism will enhance the social status of females and contribute to national development in all sectors due to the above reasons. Therefore, it is crucial to convey the message that respecting and honouring women are one of basic social values of ordinary citizens, even more important to the youth who are the leaders of the future.
In the human beings' history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
have a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the progression of the civilization;
however
, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have not been always recognized worldwide.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that respecting and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honouring' is British English.
honouring
 females will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. I definitely opine this view due to females' unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in human societies and the essay will discuss my view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
firstly
, it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
that have promoted equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status among genders have developed and evolved
dramatically
in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
European countries' histories provide profound evidences that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feminism
activities played a leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in individual national development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these activities enhanced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in families or societies. By advocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feminism
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
women there have earned credits from their male peers and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
themselves to all economic sectors not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as housewives
rather
professionals.
As a result
, countries with high awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feminism
have the better economic performance and become stronger.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are as
essentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as males in families, societies and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Besides
being a wife or mother, they are
also
able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
themselves to their communities if they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
are as intelligent and resilient as males.
For instance
, in the ancient China,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feminism
had
been suppressed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dynasties until the establishment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Since then, China has
been performed
fairly
well in the world after Chinese workforce has been open to Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.  
Therefore
, national leaders who are aware of the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
and capacities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and guide them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
to all economic sectors will lead the nation to develop into a harmonious one.

In conclusion
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
advocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feminism
will enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
to national development in all sectors due to the above reasons.
Therefore
, it is crucial to convey the message that respecting and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honouring' is British English.
honouring
women are one of basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values of ordinary citizens, even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the youth who are the leaders of the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Should stores and businesses be open or closed on Sundays Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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