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In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v.1

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v. 1
In many countries, small shops can’t compete with the shop on the outskirt leading to the bankrupt of some sellers in the small town. While the cars have become more and more popular than ever before. This will bring some benefits, but greater drawbacks which will be presented in this essay. On the one hand, there are a several numbers of problems when the proportion of residents using cars is now grown. The small shops in the town can’t provide enough products or households cares for the residents who live in the town so they need to find a market or shop that is able to have all things that the residents use nowadays, which actually locates in the big city. According to that reason, the amount of shops in the town has to face with the going out business. Since the residents have to travel for a long distance to the city shop. It’s necessary for them to transport by a car so the car’s usage is increased bad until they need to pay for the petrol and service which cause a lot of money. Travelling by car also emit the emission into the atmosphere that is easy to cause the air pollution. On the other hand, the small town shop has a positive impact on the local residents. Buying the goods in the town is very convenient and just takes a few minutes for them to travel, it’s not time-consumed and also paid much money on transporting. The multiform of products is essential purchased by the shop keeper, so the local costumers are able to have a various choices. Following that, residents will reduce the time they need to drive for hours to buy things. To conclude, in my opinion, there would be a significant outcome that encourage people to travelling to big city to buy the goods for their families
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can’t compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
on the outskirt leading to the bankrupt of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sellers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have become more and more popular than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
greater drawbacks which will
be presented
in this essay.

On the one hand, there are a several numbers of problems when the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
grown. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
can’t provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
products or households cares for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need to find a market or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
that is
able to have all things that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
nowadays, which actually locates in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city. According to that reason, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face with the going out business. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel for a long distance to the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. It’s necessary for them to transport by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car’s
usage
is increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
until they need to pay for the petrol and service which cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money. Travelling by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
also
emit the emission into the atmosphere
that is
easy to cause the air pollution.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
. Buying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
takes a few minutes for them to travel, it’s not time-consumed and
also
paid much money on transporting.
The phrase 'The multiform of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'The' and 'of'.
The multiform of
products is essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
keeper,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the local costumers are able to have a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "choice"?
choices
. Following that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time they need to drive for hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things.

To conclude
, in my opinion, there would be a significant outcome that encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
Did you mean "travel"?
travelling
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for their families
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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