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Should schools be accountable for poor achievement of students? How far do you agree? v.1

Should schools be accountable for poor achievement of students? How far do you agree? v. 1
In recent years, education quality has been improved, which means the society expects students to have a better result at schools. As a result, some people think that schools should be responsible for their bad performance. From my perspective, I do not agree with this opinion. First of all, there are so many students are not a glutton for academic subjects, so that these group of students do not often have great achievement in those majors. For instance, schools in Viet Nam has a tendency to focus on STEM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) or the subjects which are the requirements to get into high school or university, but not every student is magnificent in those subjects, many of them may perform better in art such as music or drawing and so on. Because each student has different talents and different potential so it is inappropriate to let school take responsibility of this phenomenon. Secondly, schools are not the only place that fit every student. There are many of them have best achievement when they are not at school, so it should not actually be accountable for their performance. Take many famous people as examples, they left university to pursue their dreams, and then they became famous because of their achievements that had probably changed the whole world. Had it not been for leaving school, they would not have been successful like that. That is why school is not the only way to help students have great achievements. To sum up, not every student are exceptional at subjects at schools to create impressive achievements and school is not the only place that make students can be successful so these are two main reasons why schools should not take responsibilities for students’ bad performance.
In recent years, education quality has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, which means the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a better result at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
performance. From my perspective, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not a glutton for academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievement
in those majors.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam has a tendency to focus on STEM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
(Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which are the requirements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is magnificent in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them may perform
Use "good at" to mean "skilled" with school subjects. Try this: "better at art".
better in art
such as music or drawing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talents and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is inappropriate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
take responsibility of this phenomenon.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place that fit every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
A determiner is probably missing here: "have the best".
have best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievement
when they are not at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should not actually be accountable for their performance. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as examples, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
university to pursue their dreams, and then they became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
that had
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the whole world. Had it not been for leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they would not have been successful like that.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have great achievements.

To sum up, not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
are exceptional at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to create impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these are two main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not take responsibilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
performance.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Should schools be accountable for poor achievement of students? How far do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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