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"Deforestation is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes and effects of deforestation? v.2

"Deforestation is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes and effects of deforestation? v. 2
The number of ecological problems is increasing in a rapidly changing world day by day and it is widely believed that logging is one of the environmental degradations which continues today all over the world. This essay will firstly discuss the primary causes happening in the world and secondly, look at the effects it might have on society and individuals. First and foremost, there are some inevitable causes of desertification. It is undeniable that people cut down many types of flora in order to get paper or wood. Take for instance, they provide us books which help us to be educated by the help of these trees. Secondly, in many rural areas, dwellers do not have any heating systems in their homes and they use wood because of increasing temperatures in rooms. Some companies also can be one of the outstanding examples. To put it simply, many businessmen opt to build their facilities near the forests such as furniture industries, because in this case, it is accessible to get raw materials whenever they want. There are some major effects of this matter not only on individuals, but also on animals. First of all, it is fact that all humans need oxygen in order to live and this gas is given to us by many kinds of flora. Many plants release oxygen and absorb a gas which is called carbon-dioxide. If the number of forests decreases, it will generate many adverse impacts on people, because in this case, the amount of carbon footprint enhances and the quantity of oxygen rises. Secondly, forests are habitats for many species of fauna all over the world and the depletion of woodland culminates in extinction of animals. Taking everything into consideration, deforestation has some causes such as human factors when people need to get paper or want to provide heating systems for their homes, meanwhile, there are some effects on the world as the exhaustion of oxygen or the rise in extinction of animals.
The number of ecological problems is increasing in a
rapidly
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
day by day and it is
widely
believed that logging is one of the environmental
Possible spelling mistake found.
degradations
which continues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This essay will
firstly
discuss the primary causes happening in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
secondly
, look at the effects it might have on society and individuals.

First
and foremost, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inevitable causes of desertification. It is undeniable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of flora in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paper or wood. Take
for instance
, they provide us books which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
be educated
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these trees.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rural areas, dwellers do not have any heating systems in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
homes and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
wood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing temperatures in rooms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
also
can be one of the outstanding examples. To put it
simply
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businessmen opt to build their facilities near the forests such as furniture industries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this case
, it is accessible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
raw materials whenever they want.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major effects of this matter not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on animals.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is fact that all humans need oxygen in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and this gas is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to us by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
Did you mean "florae", "floras"?
flora
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
plants release oxygen and absorb a gas which
is called
carbon-dioxide. If the number of forests decreases, it will generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this case
, the amount of carbon footprint enhances and the quantity of oxygen rises.
Secondly
, forests are habitats for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of fauna all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and the depletion of woodland culminates in extinction of animals.

Taking everything into consideration, deforestation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes such as human factors when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paper or want to provide heating systems for their homes, meanwhile, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as the exhaustion of oxygen or the rise in extinction of animals.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay "Deforestation is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes and effects of deforestation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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