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Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. v.4

Should private schools receive government funding? v. 4
Working from home is becoming increasingly common these days. Some people have the opinion that this is beneficial for individuals and their families, while others believe that this can bring unnecessary tension at home. In this essay I will discuss both views and explain my support for the former view. On the one hand, opponents of this view argue that working from home can affect your performance. While to some extent it is true that telecommuting can create distractions. For example, if you have young children in the house or if there is a construction site nearby, then it is so hard to concentrate on your work. Therefore, if you are uncomfortable with such disturbances then it is advisable to work in your workplace. On the other hand, there are so many positive aspects of telecommuting. Firstly, it saves a lot of time of daily commuting to and from your workplace. It is also beneficial financially as there is not cost of public or private transport. Secondly, it does not restrain you to work according to job timings. Because of this you can manage your time effectively, which can result in improved performance. Additionally, you can give time to your family, which can further develop into a healthy family life. Hence, such job setting can help both financially and emotionally. To conclude, in this age of the internet, working on physical premises is becoming extremely rare and more employees are moving towards telecommuting. I believe employers should endorse this development for the betterment of an individual and society.
Working from home is becoming
increasingly
common these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the opinion that this is beneficial for individuals and their families, while others believe that this can bring unnecessary tension at home. In this essay I will discuss both views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my support for the former view.

On the one hand, opponents of this view argue that working from home can affect your performance.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent it is true that telecommuting can create distractions.
For example
, if you have young children in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or if there is a construction site nearby, then it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to concentrate on your work.
Therefore
, if you are uncomfortable with such disturbances then it is advisable to work in your workplace.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of telecommuting.
Firstly
, it saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time of daily commuting to and from your workplace. It is
also
beneficial
financially
as there is not cost of public or private transport.
Secondly
, it does not restrain you to work according to job timings.
Because of this
you can manage your time
effectively
, which can result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
performance.
Additionally
, you can give time to your family, which can
further
develop into a healthy family life.
Hence
, such job setting can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both
financially
and
emotionally
.

To conclude
, in this age of the internet, working on physical premises is becoming
extremely
rare and more employees are moving towards telecommuting. I believe employers should endorse this development for the betterment of an individual and society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Should private schools receive government funding? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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