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should physical education be optional in school or not? v.1

should physical education be optional in school or not? v. 1
There are different opinions about physical education all around the globe. This can be because of the differences in culture, traditions and needs of a country. There are many arguments in terms of academics and physical education. Most of the claims academics to be more important for school age children. Obesity is one of the major drawbacks of the modern world. Major reason for obesity is due to the lack of physical activities performed by the children. There are hardly any safe places for the kids to play outside and too much time spent with the kids on mobile phones and computer games are caused by this. Therefore, there is a greater need than ever before to have children to spent time at school doing physical activities. Furthermore, many studies prove that, physical education also helps improve the academic performances. Besides, all children might not be academically skilled. Hence, they should be given a chance to choose a vocation other than academia. On the other hand, every country needs labours in the technical, educational and medical field as well. Therefore, need for academics cannot be ruled out as a whole. It is essential for a growing up child to sustain in today’s world. To conclude, I suggest physical education and academics should go hand in hand to have a balanced curriculum. However, we cannot make a child a teacher or sports person unless he wishes to do so. Thus, let the child have the opportunity to decide what is best for him along with physical education to stay healthy and still be well-educated.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
all around the globe. This can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the differences in culture, traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of a country. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Most of the claims
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
to be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for school age children.

Obesity is one of the major drawbacks of the modern world. Major reason for obesity is due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities performed by the children. There are hardly any safe places for the kids to play outside and too much time spent with the kids on mobile phones and computer games
are caused
by this.
Therefore
, there is a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to have children to spent time at school doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies prove that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performances.
Besides
, all children might not be
academically
skilled.
Hence
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to choose a vocation other than academia.

On the other hand
, every country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
in the technical, educational and medical field
as well
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
cannot
be ruled
out as a whole. It is essential for a growing up child to sustain in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.

To conclude
, I suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
should go hand in hand to have a balanced curriculum.
However
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child a teacher or sports person unless he wishes to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the child have the opportunity to decide what is best for him along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to stay healthy and
still
be well-educated.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay should physical education be optional in school or not? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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