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Proposal to Change the Physical Education RequirementThe college is considering a proposal from the dean's office that would increase the physical education requirement of the core curriculum from one course to two courses. if approved by a vote of t v.2

Proposal to Change the Physical Education RequirementThe college is considering a proposal from the dean's office that would increase the physical education requirement of the core curriculum from one course to two courses. if approved by a vote of t v. 2
In today's world, the celebrities are the role model for each and every young person whether, youngsters Attracted by their role model's wealthy lifestyles or successful pathways. However, few celebrities are born with a silver spoon, who has been Famous because of their past generations of prominent celebrities. I'm convinced that the young people attracted the fame and wealth rather the achievement of the back story. To start up with the youngster, who are the pillar of any developed country. Celebrities like as Politicians, sportsman, actors and actresses. Who are impact on young person's lifestyle and career. Celebrities are showing up their wealth by wearing expensive clothes and belongings, which has been directed affected on youngsters. For example- Virat Kohli, who is an Indian cricketer. He proves that he drinks Fiji water, which only made and supply from French to India. It's some expensive mineral water, which can't be affordable by middle class people. Although, people buy it from online and drink to show up in their social and cultural groups. It would be the brutal impact on their future and career. On the other side, There are some mature youngster who are deeply follow to their role model's successful path and implement intro their present career. Namely- The Indian citizens aware about the back story of their Prime Minister Mr Narendra Modi. When he was young, he runs a tea stole in rural area. Also, he hadn't been political background or no one did support him to make his career in politics. Although, by his hard work and consistent fight against his failure, today he became a great president of India. This is clear evidence for young people that they should be following the success story rather than Exterior show up of their celebrities. To sum up, famous people had been passed though the failure, they learnt and made up this graceful life. This type of characteristic young people has to adopt and make a successful life.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are the role model for each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person whether, youngsters Attracted by their role model's wealthy lifestyles or successful pathways.
However
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are born
with a silver spoon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their past generations of prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. I'm convinced that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attracted the fame and wealth
rather
the achievement of the back story.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are the pillar of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
like as Politicians, sportsman, actors and actresses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
are impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person's lifestyle and career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
are showing up their wealth by wearing expensive clothes and belongings, which has
been directed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on youngsters.
For example
-
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is an Indian cricketer. He proves that he drinks Fiji water, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made and supply from French to India. It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expensive mineral water, which can't be affordable by middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it from online and drink to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up in their social and cultural groups. It would be the brutal impact on their future and career.

On the other side, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mature
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "youngsters"?
youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
deeply
Consider using a past participle here: "followed".
follow
to their role model's successful path and implement intro their present career.
Namely
- The Indian citizens aware about the back story of their Prime Minister Mr Narendra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Modi
. When he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, he runs a tea stole in rural area.
Also
, he hadn't been political background or no one did support him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his career in politics. Although, by his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and consistent fight against his failure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
he became a great president of India. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they should be following the success story
rather
than Exterior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up of their celebrities.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had
been passed
though the failure, they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
and made up this graceful life. This type of characteristic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to adopt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a successful life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Proposal to Change the Physical Education RequirementThe college is considering a proposal from the dean's office that would increase the physical education requirement of the core curriculum from one course to two courses. if approved by a vote of t v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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