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TOPIC – Some think that residents should responsible for keeping thier areas clean and tidy, while others say it is the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and state your own opinion. v.1

TOPIC – Some think that residents should responsible for keeping thier areas clean and tidy, while others say it is the government’s responsibility. v. 1
Every now and then, man is faced with a choice of embracing some of life's unfavourable circumstances. Some people believe that accepting such situations should be welcome and seen as ideal, while others argue that every negative situations experienced in life should provide conditions for improvement. In my view, I agree that it is better to try and overcome difficulties. More often than not, the main reason for thí school of thought is mainly attributed to religious belief of fate. In other words, the path to success is often littered with failure: a record of sackings, bankrupties, but instead of curling into a foetal ball beneath the coffe table, proactive optimism can help to become more resilent and march boldly towards the next opportunity. For example, graduated students are so young that they couldn't accept bad situations such as: unsatisfactory jobs or a shortage of money. They should try their best to have a more wonderful life with adequate convenience. Thus, one of the best way to become successful is through overcoming and improving setbacks. A different group, on the contrary, share the opinion that it is favourable to put up with unfavourable conditions because they want to have stable icome and confort in their life. Howerver, the standard of living will not be improved if every individuals don't rise above negative circumstances such as limited funds as well as hostile work environment. Take for example, the 2019 article, written and published by the World Health Organization, revealed that the major cause of depression in young adults were hostile working surroundings and also low financial status. Hence, improving the nagative conditions would improve our mental health as well as quality of life. In conclusion, while others suggest that every occasion occurs for a reason, I am of opinion that every person should improve every negative state whetherjob related or otherwise
Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is faced
with a choice of embracing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of life's
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that accepting such situations should be welcome and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as ideal, while others argue that every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situations experienced in life should provide conditions for improvement. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is better to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
overcome difficulties.

More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, the main reason for
Possible spelling mistake found.
thí
school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is
mainly
attributed to religious belief of fate.
In other words
, the path to success is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
littered with failure: a record of sackings,
Possible spelling mistake found.
bankrupties
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of curling into a
Possible spelling mistake. 'foetal' is British English.
foetal
ball beneath the
Possible spelling mistake found.
coffe
table, proactive optimism can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to become more
Possible spelling mistake found.
resilent
and march
boldly
towards the
next
opportunity.
For example
, graduated students are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
young that they couldn't accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situations such as: unsatisfactory jobs or a shortage of money. They should try their best to have a more wonderful life with adequate convenience.
Thus
, one of the best way to become successful is through overcoming and improving setbacks.

A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
group,
on the contrary
, share the opinion that it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to put up with
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to have stable
Possible spelling mistake found.
icome
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
confort
in their life.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Howerver
, the standard of living will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
don't rise above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
circumstances such as limited funds
as well
as hostile work environment. Take
for example
, the 2019 article, written and published by the World Health Organization, revealed that the major cause of depression in young adults were hostile working surroundings and
also
low financial status.
Hence
, improving the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nagative
conditions would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our mental health
as well
as quality of life.

In conclusion
, while others suggest that every occasion occurs for a reason, I am of opinion that every person should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
state
Possible spelling mistake found.
whetherjob
related or
otherwise
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay TOPIC – Some think that residents should responsible for keeping thier areas clean and tidy, while others say it is the government’s responsibility. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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