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Should parents punish their children and to what extent is punishment important in a child’s life? Give your opinion. v.1

Should parents punish their children and Give your opinion. v. 1
Over the last century, our cities faced unprecedented growth of traffic congestion and as a result of this, we encounter a litany of environmental pollutions. Some experts believe that the rising cost of petrol is the best way to tackle these problems. I firmly believe that there is a defensible basis for this argument. In this essay, some other possible solutions will be elaborated. The proponents of this view claim that recent studies have shown that due to increasing the price of petrol, the user of this energy has dramatically decreased. As a result of this, the wide demand for petrol has slumped. The key point to justify this attitude could be illustrated by a tangible example. Our country “Iran” has a high reputation for having oil resources. Consequently, the price of petrol was not justified by comparison with another country. To cut a long story short, after applying this idea in cities, the evidence has shown most of the people turn to some Alternatives instead of the use of a private car. For example, by the time went on, the rising price of petrol has caused majority the people use much more public transportation rather than the past. Alternatively, there are other possible solutions to address this issue. First and foremost, governments should give special care to renewable energy such as water, wind, solar energy and etc. Also, they should encourage people to use public transportation such as electric tram, metro, bus and etc. Last but not least, we should own up to the fact that we need cultural reconstruction about the true understanding of the energy crisis on our planet. In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, increasing the price of petrol can be an effective factor to reduce consumption of this energy, at least in my country. Serious measures should be taken by government and individuals as a duty for solving these problems. Also, the government must assume responsibility, stop passing the bulk and settle down the effective laws to control this issue. Finally, it is absolutely imperative we should not try to be wise after the events.
Over the last century, our cities faced unprecedented growth of traffic congestion and
as a result
of this, we encounter a litany of environmental pollutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts believe that the rising cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
is the best way to tackle these problems. I
firmly
believe that there is a defensible basis for this argument. In this essay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other possible solutions will
be elaborated
.

The proponents of this view claim that recent studies have shown that due to increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
, the user of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
has
dramatically
decreased.
As a result
of this, the wide demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
has slumped. The key point to justify this attitude could
be illustrated
by a tangible example. Our country “Iran” has a high reputation for having oil resources.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
was not justified by comparison with another country. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
a long story short, after applying this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in cities, the evidence has shown most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
turn to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Alternatives
instead
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a private car.
For example
, by the time went on, the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
has caused majority the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
much more public transportation
rather
than the past.

Alternatively
, there are other possible solutions to address this issue.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should give special care to renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
such as water, wind, solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Also
, they should encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transportation such as electric tram, metro, bus
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
up to the fact that we need cultural reconstruction about the true understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
crisis on our planet.

In conclusion
, from what has
been discussed
above, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
can be an effective factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
consumption of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, at least in my country. Serious measures should
be taken
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals as a duty for solving these problems.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
assume responsibility,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
passing the bulk and settle down the effective laws to control this issue.
Finally
, it is
absolutely
imperative we should not try to be wise after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Should parents punish their children and Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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