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Some universities require students to take classes in many objects. Other universities require students to specialize in one object. Which is better v.1

Some universities require students to take classes in many objects. Other universities require students to specialize in one object. Which is better v. 1
Adding suitable and required subjects in the school curriculum have been a paramount consideration for an educational department. It becomes a debatable issue to make some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy optional because it seems arduous to learn for some. I partially agree and disagree with this concern as I believe mathematics should be a compulsory subject, whereas philosophy can be an optional subject. I intend to discuss my views in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, Mathematics is an enormously important subject to be taught to students as it plays a sterling role to learn other subjects. For example, calculating speed in physics is only possible if numeracy is taught to students. Moreover, not only it is requisite subject to take admission in many renowned universities for higher courses, but also analytical skills are utmost essential to get hired by many Multinational Companies for various job profiles. For instance, if a phobia is not surmounted in childhood, it would pronounce more worse in future. Therefore, studying mathematics is compulsory for every student till high school level. Philosophy is the subject to teach about humankind's relationships and it is a good subject to study, however, making this subject not optional would not only makes students bored but also adds additional burden on them. Children have been learning these basic skills from their parents and teachers by observing them. Therefore, it should not be enforced by making it a required part of the school curriculum in their early school years as it can be learnt later at territory level. To conclude, although both subjects are worth considering, making mathematics compulsory is required in terms of learning other subjects, honing analytical skills that are essential for getting renowned jobs and admitting in reputed universities for pursuing higher degrees. Philosophy can be opted by students as per their interests and it should be optional.
Adding suitable and required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum have been a paramount consideration for an educational department. It becomes a debatable issue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and philosophy optional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it seems arduous to learn for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and disagree with this concern as I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
should be a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, whereas philosophy can be an optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. I intend to discuss my views in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mathematics
is an
enormously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as it plays a sterling role to learn other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, calculating speed in physics is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible if numeracy
is taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it is requisite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to take admission in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
renowned universities for higher courses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are utmost essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hired by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
for various job profiles.
For instance
, if a phobia is not surmounted in childhood, it would pronounce
Use only "worse" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more worse
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Therefore
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
is compulsory for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
till high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.

Philosophy is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to teach about humankind's relationships and it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to study,
however
, making this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
not optional would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The verb 'would' requires base form of the verb: "make"
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
bored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
additional burden on them. Children have been learning these basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from their parents and teachers by observing them.
Therefore
, it should not
be enforced
by making it a required part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum in their early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years as it can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
later at territory level.

To conclude
, although both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are worth considering, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
compulsory
is required
in terms of learning other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, honing analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are essential for getting renowned jobs and admitting in reputed universities for pursuing higher degrees. Philosophy can
be opted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as per their interests and it should be optional.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some universities require students to take classes in many objects. Other universities require students to specialize in one object. Which is better v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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