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Should humans adapt to technology or should technology be adapted to us? Is technology making us intellectually weaker or more intelligent? v.1

Should humans adapt to technology or should technology be adapted to us? Is technology making us intellectually weaker or more intelligent? v. 1
Whether the development of modern technology should be permitted to advance unhindered, or improved only with specific regard to human need, is a contentious issue. Since learning to use new technologies strengthens intellect, I believe that new devices should be developed without limits in order to challenge people. The achievements of humanity over the last century have only been made possible by the development of modern technology. Driven by the need to discover, people have created countless innovations in fields such as electronics, medicine and engineering which have improved the lives of billions. Additionally, many key discoveries throughout history were made while investigating something else entirely, such as with penicillin or the microwave oven. Establishing controls over what may or may not be investigated could therefore severely limit new discoveries. This style of innovation also provides intellectual benefits for both the inventor and the consumer, since both must work hard in order to either create or use the new device. A constant flow of new discoveries maintains mental stimulation amongst those who choose to make use of them. The computer, for example, has enabled humans to achieve remarkable things, but only after we adapted our behaviour and learned to use it fully. Also, those people who have maintained a good degree of computer literacy are now able to seek the best professional opportunities, which is further known to be intellectually beneficial. In conclusion, I believe that technology should be allowed to develop freely and that humans should adapt their behaviour to emerging discoveries. This will keep us intellectually strong and ensure that the maximum good can come from scientific endeavour.
Whether the development of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
should
be permitted
to advance unhindered, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with specific regard to human need, is a contentious issue. Since learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
strengthens intellect, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
devices should
be developed
without limits in order to challenge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The achievements of humanity over the last century have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
been made
possible by the development of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Driven by the need to discover,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have created countless innovations in fields such as electronics, medicine and engineering which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of billions.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
key discoveries throughout history
were made
while investigating something else
entirely
, such as with penicillin or the microwave oven. Establishing controls over what may or may not
be investigated
could
therefore
severely
limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
discoveries.

This style of innovation
also
provides intellectual benefits for both the inventor and the consumer, since both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to either create or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
device. A constant flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
discoveries maintains mental stimulation amongst those who choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them. The computer,
for example
, has enabled humans to achieve remarkable things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after we adapted our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and learned to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
fully
.
Also
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have maintained a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
degree of computer literacy are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to seek the best professional opportunities, which is
further
known to be
intellectually
beneficial.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to develop
freely
and that humans should adapt their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to emerging discoveries. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us
intellectually
strong and ensure that the maximum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from scientific
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Should humans adapt to technology or should technology be adapted to us? Is technology making us intellectually weaker or more intelligent? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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