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Children should not have to work or help with household tasks; their only responsibility should be to study. v.2

Children should not have to work or help with household tasks; their only responsibility should be to study. v. 2
Nowadays, children are surrounded by a lot of information. Even though some people say that children ought to share duties at home, there are others who state kids need to acquire such amount of it. They have no time to provide their parents with some help. In my opinion, they need to study in order to pursue a high degree in their formation and knowledge for their future. Admittedly, there are some advantages of helping the parents at home. First they can get learning from the tasks. Kids might acquire some skills helping the mother and the father. For instance, paying bills, preparing foods, organizing their belongs may rather help them in the future. Second, they acquire experience in sharing the duties at home. However, still I support that children should only to study. They are involved in a plentiful of activities. In school they attend classes in the morning and extra classes in the afternoon. They have a great amount of lessons to study. In one hand, they should study so that they may be graduated. On the other hand, they are required to acquire enough knowledge to help them in pursuing another degree in some universities and to help them through their lives. Thus, a hard-working can somewhat help them to accomplish such goals. Furthermore, children need to be prepared for the future. They have to acquire a good education. Not only may the teacher transmit the knowledge, but also their parents have to do it. In addition, kids can be engaged in study groups. For instance, they form groups with their classmates. Sometimes, even their classmates’ parents may probably provide pieces of important information. Therefore, they are surrounded by people who want to help them. In conclusion, studies do not finish. The young men start studying in high school and they are supposed to finish it in university as a bachelor degree. However, after graduating comes a higher degree. Thus, it is not helping at home that they will accomplish that. Instead, those are reached just by studying.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are surrounded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to share duties at home, there are others who state kids need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquire
such amount of it. They have no time to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. In my opinion, they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in order to pursue a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in their formation and knowledge for their future.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home.
First
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
learning from the tasks. Kids might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
helping the mother and the father.
For instance
, paying bills, preparing foods, organizing their belongs may
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in the future. Second, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquire
experience in sharing the duties at home.

However
,
still
I support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. They
are involved
in
The phrase 'a plentiful of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a plentiful of
activities. In
The comma is probably missing here: "school, they".
school they
attend classes in the morning and extra classes in the afternoon. They have a great amount of lessons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. In one hand, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may
be graduated
.
On the other hand
, they
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in pursuing another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them through their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Thus
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working can somewhat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to accomplish such goals.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be prepared
for the future. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acquire
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
may the teacher transmit the knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do it.
In addition
, kids can
be engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
groups.
For instance
, they form groups with their classmates.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, even their classmates’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
probably
provide pieces of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information.
Therefore
, they
are surrounded
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
do not finish. The young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
studying in high
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they
are supposed
to finish it in university as a bachelor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
However
, after graduating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Thus
, it is not helping at home that they will accomplish that.
Instead
, those
are reached
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by studying.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should not have to work or help with household tasks; their only responsibility should be to study. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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