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Should children be asked by the court who they want to stay with after their parents divorce? v.1

Should children be asked by the court who they want to stay with after their parents divorce? v. 1
Nowadays, there are many break-up marriages. Many children become the victims of the end of their parents’s relationships. The issue whether or not letting children be asked by the court who they want to stay with has long been a controversial debate. As far as I’m concerned, I approve of the view that children have their right to decide who they want to live with. First of all, divorce is parents’s fault, not their children’s. Therefore, the issue that children can decide who they want to stay with is absolutely logical and reasonable. There is no need for them to listen to the parent’s decision anymore. That’s why the parents and the judge should respect their kid’s decision and give them a chance to decide. They should not prevent children from making a decision. Because when children can live with the person love them, it can partly counteract the consequences that they need to endure. Moreover, children know the most important things for them in their life and have a right to decide. Nowadays, many parents think that they can bring the best things for them. Not only their decisions may be not suitable for their children, but it can also ruin the children’s life by accident and also can make the children hate them. For example, the kid who wanted love from their parents but they gave him their money. As a result, he became a criminal who thought that money can deal with everything. To sum up, every divorce is full of sorrow. Taking youth decision into consideration can reduce the negative effects of it and help them overcome the mental problems.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
break-up marriages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become the victims of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their
Did you mean "parent’s" or "parents’"?
parents’s
relationships. The issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be asked
by the court
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they want to stay with has long been a controversial debate. As far as I’m concerned, I approve of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have their right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, divorce is
Did you mean "parent’s" or "parents’"?
parents’s
fault, not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
.
Therefore
, the issue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they want to stay with is
absolutely
logical and reasonable. There is no need for them to listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
anymore. That’s why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the judge should respect their kid’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
and give them a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
. They should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them, it can partly counteract the consequences that they need to endure.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things for them in their life and have a right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can bring the best things for them. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
may be not suitable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
ruin the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life by accident and
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
hate them.
For example
, the kid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wanted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they gave him their money.
As a result
, he became a criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that money can deal with everything.

To sum up, every divorce is full of sorrow. Taking youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
into consideration can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them overcome the mental problems.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Should children be asked by the court who they want to stay with after their parents divorce? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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