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Recently, there has been a rapid rise in the divorce rate among the young. Discuss the key factors that might increase the rate of divorce in modern society. v.2

Recently, there has been a rapid rise in the divorce rate among the young. Discuss the key factors that might increase the rate of divorce in modern society. v. 2
In the recent era, the divorce rate has been raised to a great extent. Many reasons have been laid behind this jump in the number of cases which people put an end to their marriage. First of all, today, laws have been changed dramatically and it is easier for couples to get a divorce. To elaborate on it, in the past, there used to be an adequate justification for the separation, such as, intoxication, adultery, cruelty, etc. However, these days, couples get divorced if they are not happy with their relationships and also, the process of getting a divorce is not as difficult as it was in the past. Moreover, in modern societies it is completely acceptable if a person has got a divorce, whereas, previously, that was a taboo and people could not remarry easily. Furthermore, these days, spouses are less dependent on each other and this condition paves the way for a marriage to end in divorce. In fact, in the past, men were the integral breadwinners in every houses and in turn, women were more submissive and subjugated. Another perspective which merits attention is that today, life is so complicated and people are less satisfied and cheerful owing to the problems that they are coping with. To be more precise, some issues such as air pollution, traffic jam, unemployment, low income, etc. affect the standards of people’s lives tremendously. Hence, couples have lower tolerance in their lives and split up with each other straightforwardly. To sum up, these days, many problems ignite the thought of divorce in the mind of couples and some new circumstances have made it more possible for people to come to this tragic decision.
In the recent era, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
rate has
been raised
to a great extent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reasons have
been laid
behind this jump in the number of cases which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to their marriage.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, laws have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
and it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
. To elaborate on it, in the past, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be an adequate justification for the separation, such as, intoxication, adultery, cruelty, etc.
However
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
divorced if they are not happy with their relationships and
also
, the process of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
is not as difficult as it was in the past.
Moreover
, in modern societies it is completely acceptable if a person has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
, whereas, previously, that was a taboo and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not remarry
easily
.

Furthermore
, these days, spouses are less dependent on each other and this condition paves the way for a marriage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
. In fact, in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were the integral breadwinners in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "house"?
houses
and in turn, women were more submissive and subjugated. Another perspective which merits attention is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
complicated and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less satisfied and cheerful owing to the problems that they are coping with. To be more precise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues such as air pollution, traffic jam, unemployment, low income, etc. affect the standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
tremendously
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
have lower tolerance in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and split up with each other
straightforwardly
.

To sum up, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems ignite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
in the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new circumstances have made it more possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to this tragic decision.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Recently, there has been a rapid rise in the divorce rate among the young. Discuss the key factors that might increase the rate of divorce in modern society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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