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Some people say that modern innovations bring a lot more problems than benefits? Do you agree? v.5

Some people say that modern innovations bring a lot more problems than benefits? Do you agree? v. 5
There is a view that the drawbacks of modern innovations is higher than the benefits. In my opinion, every innovator always try to invent new products or services to make people’s life easier. In this essay I will highlight about the fundamental reason why I totally disagree with this perspective. To begin with the first reason, nowadays, most of common barriers in our activity has been disappear because of the new invention. For example, video call feature in our gadget can help people doing virtual meeting without being in the same place. Secondly, some business books have shown related research about the urgency of doing innovation. This is because proposing new value to customers continually will affect positively to business sustainability. To illustrate, if modern innovations like Airbnb and Uber do not contribute the benefits, the hotel and transportation industry will not get decreasing income. However, few modern technologies has been harnessed in wrong way, so it brought crucial damage. For instance, United States used Albert Einstein’s invention, which was nuclear, to destructed some cities in other countries. Even though every innovation might has side effect, but it can be minimized by some strategies. For instance, the organization who produce the new product must occupy their innovation with obvious instruction to mitigate cost of the ignorance. In addition, the regulator can start making good campaign to increase people’s awareness on using the product wisely. To sum up, the purpose of producing modern innovation is for a better life and the utilization for a negative purpose can be tackled by some mitigation processes. Thus, the advantage of every innovation is much higher than the disdavantage.
There is a view that the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
is higher than the benefits. In my opinion, every innovator always try to invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products or services to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life easier. In this essay I will highlight about the fundamental reason why I
totally
disagree with this perspective.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
first
reason, nowadays, most of common barriers in our activity has been
Consider using a past participle here: "disappeared".
disappear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
invention.
For example
, video call feature in our gadget can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
doing virtual meeting without being in the same place.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
business books have shown related research about the urgency of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
proposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
value to customers
continually
will affect
positively
to business sustainability. To illustrate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
like Airbnb and Uber do not contribute the benefits, the hotel and transportation industry will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
decreasing income.

However
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technologies has
been harnessed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it brought crucial damage.
For instance
, United States
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Albert Einstein’s invention, which was nuclear,
Did you mean "to destruct"?
to destructed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities in other countries.
Even though
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
might has side effect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be minimized
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies.
For instance
, the organization who produce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
occupy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
with obvious instruction to mitigate cost of the ignorance.
In addition
, the regulator can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
campaign to increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s awareness on using the product
wisely
.

To sum up, the purpose of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
is for a better life and the utilization for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
purpose can
be tackled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mitigation processes.
Thus
, the advantage of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
is much higher than the
Possible spelling mistake found.
disdavantage
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that modern innovations bring a lot more problems than benefits? Do you agree? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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