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Should adults stay in their home communities or they should move out to bigger cities. Which do you support? Be sure to include specific details and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Should adults stay in their home communities or they should move out to bigger cities. Which do you support? Be sure to include specific details and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
Growing up remains an inevitable aspect of human life. It gets to a point where an adult must decide where to stay. Do you stay proximal to your hometown or do you move far away? I am of the opinion that changing addresses to a more urban region is better not only because it makes it possible for you to experience other cultures; you can easily advance your career path also. The essence of adulthood is psychological growth and seeing the cultures of others is the best way to experience this change. In a country, it is wrong to think that the way of life in your vicinity is what obtains elsewhere around the state< span class=" hiddenGrammarError" pre=" state " > < /span> . To be more explicit, one cannot be as far away from the truth like that. My personal experience is a compelling example of that. As I completed school, I decided to leave my village and move to the state capital. In my village, we prostrated to greet those older than we were and that was the norm. To my greatest surprise, the experiences during my initial weeks at the capital city were in stark contrast to what I thought was normal - people just walked by people while they greeted them. I continued to prostrate, ultimately, I had to stop because I was always being ridiculed; to them, it was weird. You see, at the capital city, people from diverse cultures converged; trying to enforce personal cultures on others was a guaranteed path to failure. As a result, people altogether devised a general and more acceptable means of salutation. I cannot understate the importance of getting an opportunity to experience other cultures like this, because it gives one the opportunity to grow intellectually. What’s more, staying in a metropolitan area affords the possibility to advance in one’s career path. One simply cannot expect success in a chosen field by staying put in rural communities. The opportunities are few and far-fetched, and mentors are hard to find. On the other hand, staying in the city is solving half of the problems encountered on one’s path to success. For instance, in my local community, there is only one county clinic with just one physical therapist. Opting to stay there would have been plain suicidal because I would be killing my urge to become a sports physical therapist. Staying in the city led to my getting a much-coveted residency spot at the biggest hospital in my country; I am currently closer to my dream now than ever before. It is interesting because this shows one of the benefits attached to changing locations, which is the possibility to make more career choices. To conclude, while some may argue that staying in one’s local community allows one the opportunity to nurture the younger ones and give back to the community, I believe it is foolhardy to stick to one location throughout one’s life. It is better to experience cultures on the grand stage and be a more successful person than to remain a local champion with no focus. I would encourage my children to consider the same decisions I made as an adult.
Growing up remains an inevitable aspect of human life. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to a point where an adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
decide where to stay. Do you stay proximal to your hometown or do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
far away? I am of the opinion that changing addresses to a more urban region is better not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
; you can
easily
advance your career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
also
.

The essence of adulthood is psychological growth and seeing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of others is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. In a country, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the way of life in your vicinity is what obtains elsewhere around the
Possible spelling mistake found.
state&lt
; span
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
=
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
hiddenGrammarError&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
=
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; state
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
&gt
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
&lt
; /
Possible spelling mistake found.
span&gt
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
To be more explicit, one cannot be as far away from the truth like that. My personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is a compelling example of that. As I completed school, I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
my village and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the state capital. In my village, we prostrated to greet those older than we were and that was the norm. To my greatest surprise, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
during my initial weeks at the capital city were in stark contrast to what I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
was normal
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
walked by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while they greeted them. I continued to prostrate,
ultimately
, I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was always
being ridiculed
; to them, it was weird. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, at the capital city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
converged; trying to enforce personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
on others was a guaranteed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
to failure.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
altogether devised a general and more acceptable means of salutation. I cannot understate the importance of getting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
like this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives one the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to grow
intellectually
.

What’s more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in a metropolitan area affords the possibility to advance in one’s career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
. One
simply
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
success in a chosen field by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
put in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
are few and far-fetched, and mentors are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in the city is solving half of the problems encountered on one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
to success.
For instance
, in my local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one county clinic with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one physical therapist. Opting to stay there would have been plain suicidal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I would be killing my urge to become a sports physical therapist.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Staying
in the city led to my getting a much-coveted residency spot at the biggest hospital in my country; I am
currently
closer to my dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It is interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
one of the benefits attached to changing locations, which is the possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more career choices.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in one’s local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
one the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to nurture the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and give back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, I believe it is foolhardy to stick to one location throughout one’s life. It is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
on the grand stage and be a more successful person than to remain a local champion with no focus. I would encourage my children to consider the same decisions I made as an adult.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Should adults stay in their home communities or they should move out to bigger cities. Which do you support? Be sure to include specific details and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
533 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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