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Should adults stay in their home communities or they should move out to bigger cities. Which do you support? Be sure to include specific details and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Should adults stay in their home communities or they should move out to bigger cities. Which do you support? Be sure to include specific details and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
Growing up remains an inevitable aspect of human life. It gets to a point where an adult must decide where to stay. Do you stay proximal to your hometown or do you move far away? I am of the opinion that changing addresses to a more urban region is better not only because it makes it possible for you to experience other cultures; you can easily advance your career path also. The essence of adulthood is psychological growth and seeing the cultures of others is the best way to experience this change. In a country, it is wrong to think that the way of life in your vicinity is what obtains elsewhere around the state< span class=" hiddenGrammarError" pre=" state " > < /span> . To be more explicit, one cannot be as far away from the truth like that. My personal experience is a compelling example of that. As I completed school, I decided to leave my village and move to the state capital. In my village, we prostrated to greet those older than we were and that was the norm. To my greatest surprise, the experiences during my initial weeks at the capital city were in stark contrast to what I thought was normal - people just walked by people while they greeted them. I continued to prostrate, ultimately, I had to stop because I was always being ridiculed; to them, it was weird. You see, at the capital city, people from diverse cultures converged; trying to enforce personal cultures on others was a guaranteed path to failure. As a result, people altogether devised a general and more acceptable means of salutation. I cannot understate the importance of getting an opportunity to experience other cultures like this, because it gives one the opportunity to grow intellectually. What’s more, staying in a metropolitan area affords the possibility to advance in one’s career path. One simply cannot expect success in a chosen field by staying put in rural communities. The opportunities are few and far-fetched, and mentors are hard to find. On the other hand, staying in the city is solving half of the problems encountered on one’s path to success. For instance, in my local community, there is only one county clinic with just one physical therapist. Opting to stay there would have been plain suicidal because I would be killing my urge to become a sports physical therapist. Staying in the city led to my getting a much-coveted residency spot at the biggest hospital in my country; I am currently closer to my dream now than ever before. It is interesting because this shows one of the benefits attached to changing locations, which is the possibility to make more career choices. To conclude, while some may argue that staying in one’s local community allows one the opportunity to nurture the younger ones and give back to the community, I believe it is foolhardy to stick to one location throughout one’s life. It is better to experience cultures on the grand stage and be a more successful person than to remain a local champion with no focus. I would encourage my children to consider the same decisions I made as an adult.
Growing up remains an inevitable aspect of human life. It
gets
to a point where an adult
must
decide where to stay. Do you stay proximal to your hometown or do you
move
far away? I am of the opinion that changing addresses to a more urban region is better not
only
because
it
makes
it possible for you to
experience
other
cultures
; you can
easily
advance your career
path
also
.

The essence of adulthood is psychological growth and seeing the
cultures
of others is the best way to
experience
this
change
. In a country, it is
wrong
to
think
that the way of life in your vicinity is what obtains elsewhere around the
state&lt
; span
class
=
&quot
;
hiddenGrammarError&quot
;
pre
=
&quot
; state
&quot
;
&gt
;
&lt
; /
span&gt
;
.
To be more explicit, one cannot be as far away from the truth like that. My personal
experience
is a compelling example of that. As I completed school, I decided to
leave
my village and
move
to the state capital. In my village, we prostrated to greet those older than we were and that was the norm. To my greatest surprise, the
experiences
during my initial weeks at the capital city were in stark contrast to what I
thought
was normal
-
people
just
walked by
people
while they greeted them. I continued to prostrate,
ultimately
, I had to
stop
because
I was always
being ridiculed
; to them, it was weird. You
see
, at the capital city,
people
from diverse
cultures
converged; trying to enforce personal
cultures
on others was a guaranteed
path
to failure.
As a result
,
people
altogether devised a general and more acceptable means of salutation. I cannot understate the importance of getting an
opportunity
to
experience
other
cultures
like this,
because
it gives one the
opportunity
to grow
intellectually
.

What’s more,
staying
in a metropolitan area affords the possibility to advance in one’s career
path
. One
simply
cannot
expect
success in a chosen field by
staying
put in rural
communities
. The
opportunities
are few and far-fetched, and mentors are
hard
to find. On the
other
hand,
staying
in the city is solving half of the problems encountered on one’s
path
to success.
For instance
, in my local
community
, there is
only
one county clinic with
just
one physical therapist. Opting to stay there would have been plain suicidal
because
I would be killing my urge to become a sports physical therapist.
Staying
in the city led to my getting a much-coveted residency spot at the biggest hospital in my country; I am
currently
closer to my dream
now
than ever
before
. It is interesting
because
this
shows
one of the benefits attached to changing locations, which is the possibility to
make
more career choices.

To conclude
, while
some
may argue that
staying
in one’s local
community
allows
one the
opportunity
to nurture the younger
ones
and give back to the
community
, I believe it is foolhardy to stick to one location throughout one’s life. It is better to
experience
cultures
on the grand stage and be a more successful person than to remain a local champion with no focus. I would encourage my children to consider the same decisions I made as an adult.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Should adults stay in their home communities or they should move out to bigger cities. Which do you support? Be sure to include specific details and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
533 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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