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It is better for people to move out of their hometown when they become adults, instead of staying in their home communities for their whole lives. v.2

It is better for people to move out of their hometown when they become adults, instead of staying in their home communities for their whole lives. v. 2
With the emergence of scientific innovations and technological advancement, the world has come under an umbrella term " global village" and that ensures the free movement of individuals from one place to another. This is the reason that now our youth can easily opt for the options like studying abroad, have jobs in other countries etc. because they can have best opportunities there, as well as have access of ease of communication with his family members or peer group back in his hometown. I personally feel, it is apt for an individual to move to some other town once he become adult because of certain valid reasons. First being that I feel not all the nations have that much settled economies to provide ample opportunities to justify employment purpose for the complete population. How can one ignore the fact that developed economies like America, China etc. provide job ventures not only to its native but for people throughout the world. The companies like Apple, Google, Microsoft etc. have the team-members from throughout the world that enhances their capability of growth and success. If one restrain himself to his own home-town, he might not be able to enjoy the benefits that he can attain from other nations. And so moving out of one' s specific nation might exceed the probability of self-contentment and satisfaction. Furthermore, when one become adult, he is able to manage his own chores, responsibilities and thus can improve his innate potential by polishing his inborn skills, aptitude and attitude. For example, a major chunk of economy investment comes from the students who enroll in foreign universities for their future study program. They prefer to go in some other nation because they can have provision of world-class education and globalized curriculum there. If they captivate themselves in their own country, they might fail to have access to that type of study that is in congruence with their ability. Thus, chances to leave hometown increases the options for any individual as far as academic phase is concerned. Last but not the least, in this technology and innovation prone world, one can' t stay in isolation. He needs interaction, communication and relationship with the people from all over the world so that they can assimilate their knowledge pool by accumulating new facts, share their thought-process and resolve their doubts as no-one is proficient in every sector of his work under hand and needs guidance at times. To explore such ventures and have the benefit of best available options one has to adopt a global outlook by leaving behind conservative and outmoded outlook and adopting an international wider perspective. In a nutshell, I feel if one can avail such options, he must accept the offer and move out of his hometown to prepare himself to compete with the emerging competition of the world, providing chances of self-growth and raising his own outlook; as in long period these all will act as necessary components of one' s personal, social and professional life.
With the emergence of scientific innovations and technological advancement, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under an umbrella term
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; global
Possible spelling mistake found.
village&quot
; and that ensures the free movement of individuals from one place to another. This is the reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
our youth can
easily
opt for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
like studying abroad, have jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
A determiner is probably missing here: "have the best".
have best
opportunities there,
as well
as have access of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of communication with his family members or peer group back in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
. I
personally
feel, it is apt for an individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
town once he become adult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of certain valid reasons.

First
being that I feel not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have that much settled economies to provide ample opportunities to justify employment purpose for the complete population. How can one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that developed economies like America, China etc. provide job ventures not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to its native
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Apple, Google, Microsoft etc. have the team-members from throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
that enhances their capability of growth and success. If one restrain himself to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home-town, he might not be able to enjoy the benefits that he can attain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
moving out of
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
might exceed the probability of self-contentment and satisfaction.

Furthermore
, when one become adult, he is able to manage his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
chores, responsibilities and
thus
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his innate potential by polishing his inborn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, aptitude and attitude.
For example
, a major chunk of economy investment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the students who enroll in foreign universities for their future study program. They prefer to go in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have provision of world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
education and globalized curriculum there. If they captivate themselves in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country, they might fail to have access to that type of study
that is
in congruence with their ability.
Thus
, chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
for any individual as far as academic phase
is concerned
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, in this technology and innovation prone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, one
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t stay in isolation. He needs interaction, communication and relationship with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can assimilate their knowledge pool by accumulating new facts, share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-process and resolve their doubts as no-one is proficient in every sector of his work under hand and needs guidance at times. To explore such ventures and have the benefit
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the best".
of best
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
adopt a global outlook by leaving behind conservative and outmoded outlook and adopting an international wider perspective.

In a nutshell, I feel if one can avail such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
accept the offer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to prepare himself to compete with the emerging competition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, providing chances of self-growth and raising his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
outlook; as in long period these all will act as necessary components of
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s personal, social and professional life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay It is better for people to move out of their hometown when they become adults, instead of staying in their home communities for their whole lives. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
500 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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