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Shops should not be allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Shops should not be allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. v. 2
With the advancement in urbanisation and industrialisation, the ethics and morals of businesses have been compromised a lot. In the pursuit of profit maximisation, the businesses do not hesitate to compromise on the consumers’ health. In the recent phenomenon, the increasing tendency has been observed in the selling of unhealthy edible items in stores. In my opinion, the shops should not be authorised to sell unhealthy food and drinks because of the issues it brings for the people and the governments. To begin with, people do not posses sufficient knowledge in differentiating between healthy and unhealthy food items. To clarify, at first, people often neglect the list of ingeridients mentioned on the products while buying any product. Therefore, they are not sure about the impact of the product on their health which they are consuming. Secondly, companies usually print symbols of the ingredients they use in the processing of consumable items. Hence, even people with a tendency to read about the products are not In a position to understand the properties of the chemicals used in the products. Furthermore, unhealthy people put strain on government budgets. The governments have often limited resources to manage all the sectors of the country. Hence, the increase health budget due to increase in health problem will enforced governments to cut the budgets from the other project that can benefit the nations in the furture. For instance, many countries are investing in Artifical intelligence because of the potential benefit it entails for the nations. But, if govenrments have to spend more money in providing health facilities to the nation it can erode the future progress of country due to diversion of budgets to health sector. To conclude, evidence mentioned above provide strong evidence that allowing shops to sell unhealthy items to consumers can increase health issues. Resultanlty, an increase in the unhealthy people will force governments to cut budgets from beneficial projects and invest in providing health facilities to the nation.
With the advancement in
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
, the ethics and morals of businesses have
been compromised
a lot. In the pursuit of profit
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximisation' is British English.
maximisation
, the businesses do not hesitate to compromise on the consumers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In the recent phenomenon, the increasing tendency has
been observed
in the selling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
edible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
in stores.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, the shops should not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'authorised' is British English.
authorised
to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
food and drinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the issues it brings for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not posses sufficient knowledge in differentiating between healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. To clarify, at
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglect the list of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ingeridients
mentioned on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
while buying any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
Therefore
, they are not sure about the impact of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
which they are consuming.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
usually
print symbols of the ingredients they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the processing of consumable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
Hence
, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a tendency to read about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are not In a position to understand the properties of the chemicals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the products.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put strain on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
limited resources to manage all the sectors of the country.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "enforce"
enforced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
from the other project that can benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
furture
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are investing in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Artifical
intelligence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the potential benefit it entails for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
govenrments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more money in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
it can erode the future progress of country due to diversion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector.

To conclude
, evidence mentioned above provide strong evidence that allowing shops to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
to consumers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Resultanlty
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budgets
from beneficial projects and invest in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Shops should not be allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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