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Fossil fuels such as coal，oil and natural gas, are used in many countries. Recently, in some countries, the use of alternative energy including wind and solar power has been encouraged，Is this trend a postive or a negative development? v.2

Fossil fuels such as coal，oil and natural gas, are used in many countries. Recently, in some countries, the use of alternative energy including wind and solar power has been encouraged，Is this trend a postive or a negative development? v. 2
Recent year, owing to the development of technology, the government of the advanced country have been tried to promote alternate energy, particularly solar and wind power. It seems good advance but there is a positive and negative effect on this issue. I strongly believe that new energy should not be encouraged at this moment. On the one hand, alternative energy is an eco-friendly system to reduce environmental pollution. There is no exhaust gas in the system, especially Co2, No2 and So2, it can maintain air clean enough. Also, due to relatively high energy transformation rate, a cooling system to handle waste heat is unnecessary which overheat the seawater or river water. On the other hand, there are two negative effects of using alternative energy. First, the system can not be independent of the weather condition. Electricity production stops when the cloudy or rainy season, most of the industrial plants and domestic electric appliances are out of work. Second, still the system is very expensive to construct, plant operators need a subsidy from the government. Also constructing the Wind or solar power need lots of space to buy. In Korea, they do not have enough space to construct, they eliminate mountain. The mountain has lots of trees and its own ecosystem but they do not think that. And this is the main reason why I think alternative energy has negative development. As has been demonstrated, I understand the favorable effect of alternative energy, but the negative effects I suggested should be solved in advance.
Recent year, owing to the development of technology, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the advanced country have
been tried
to promote alternate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
,
particularly
solar and wind power. It seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on this issue.

I
strongly
believe that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
should not
be encouraged
at this moment.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is an eco-friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
environmental pollution.

There is no exhaust gas in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
especially
Co2, No2 and So2, it can maintain air clean
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Also
, due to
relatively
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
transformation rate, a cooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to handle waste heat is unnecessary which overheat the seawater or river water.

On the other hand
, there are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
energy.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can not be independent of the weather condition. Electricity production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
when the cloudy or rainy season, most of the industrial plants and domestic electric appliances are out of work.

Second,
still
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive to construct, plant operators need a subsidy from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Also
constructing the Wind or solar power need lots of space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. In Korea, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to construct, they eliminate mountain. The mountain has lots of trees and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ecosystem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that. And this is the main reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.

As has
been demonstrated
, I understand the favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects I suggested should
be solved
in advance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Fossil fuels such as coal，oil and natural gas, are used in many countries. Recently, in some countries, the use of alternative energy including wind and solar power has been encouraged，Is this trend a postive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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