Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors nurses and teachers Why do you think this happens in some societies Do you consider it good or bad v.3

In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors nurses and teachers Why do you think this happens in some societies Do you consider it good or bad v. 3
Nowadays, in many countries, people in the field of sports and entertainment are highly paid than the people who work as doctors, nurses and teachers. This essay will discuss the reason for such occurrence in many societies and gives the opinion. People have a different views for different career. Sportsmen and movie artists earn more money because of their popularity. Let us consider sports like football, many business people consider it in a business aspect. This is because they invest less money on them and earn more using their name and fame. Hence, the professionals are paid enormously. For instance, Nike company contracted Cristiano Ronaldo just for making two or three advertisements and paid him a million dollar. They could have used some other sports person but why Ronald? The reason is, Ronaldo is more famous than any other players in the world at present. On the other hand, professions such as doctor and teaching are considered as service to the society. Being a doctor or a teacher is not a bad job. They may not earn the name and fame but they earn the trust from the people in the society. Even the highly paid sports person or the artist has to come to a doctor if he meets an injury. For example, a doctor can save many number of lives which a sportsman cannot. So they should not worry about their income. Hence, professionals like doctors, nurses and teachers should never compare their career with people working in sports and movies. In conclusion, this essay discussed the reason doctors and teachers are paid less than the people in sports and entertainment. My opinion is that doctors and teachers should not feel bad about their occupation or income because service is different from business.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and entertainment are
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, nurses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. This essay will discuss the reason for such occurrence in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies and gives the opinion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "view"?
views
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
career. Sportsmen and movie artists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their popularity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it in a business aspect. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they invest less money on them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more using their name and fame.
Hence
, the professionals are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
enormously
.
For instance
, Nike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
contracted Cristiano Ronaldo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for making two or three advertisements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
him a million dollar. They could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why Ronald? The reason is, Ronaldo is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
than any other players in the world at present.

On the other hand
, professions such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
and teaching
are considered
as service to the society. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
job. They may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
the name and fame
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
the trust from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society. Even the
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person or the artist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
if he meets an injury.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
can save
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "many numbers".
many number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which a sportsman cannot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should not worry about their income.
Hence
, professionals like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, nurses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should never compare their career with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and movies.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
less than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and entertainment. My opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should not feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
about their occupation or income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
service is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from business.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors nurses and teachers Why do you think this happens in some societies Do you consider it good or bad v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts