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Shops should be the preference in selling local food rather than imported food. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Shops should be the preference in selling local food rather than imported food. v. 1
In the today’s world, the internet has become an essential part of everyday life. The opinion exists that the internet is a compulsory thing that people cannot live without it. This essay will discuss the reality of the internet that have crucial effects on our life. From an overall perspective, there are a number of reasons why people believe that being connected to the internet is a necessity. The primary argument supporting this idea is that in these days, people are using the internet as the main communication tool. Unless the past, they are able to being connected with each others all the time, without regardless of how they far away. Secondly, the media have been recreated by the internet. The conventional methods of media, such as printed newspapers, magazines do not exist any more. Today, If people want to get information about recent news, research project and want to watch a movie or documentary, they need internet. There is another argument for some countries, such as Turkey, people have been offered to apply for government issues by using the internet, and this is considered a time saving feature for them. On the other hand, unlike those arguments, some people are still thinking that they can maintain their life without having access to the internet. In a way, they could be right. The humankind had not been having internet access for almost ten thousand years and they have still been existing up to now. In conclusion, I agree with the idea that the internet connection has an undeniable place in our life. However, it is not mandatory for making people alive.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, the internet has become an essential part of everyday life. The opinion exists that the internet is a compulsory thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it. This essay will discuss the reality of the internet that have crucial effects on our life.

From an
overall
perspective, there are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
being connected
to the internet is a necessity. The primary argument supporting this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that in these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using the internet as the main communication tool. Unless the past, they are able to
being connected
with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
all the time, without regardless of how they far away.
Secondly
, the media have
been recreated
by the internet. The conventional methods of media, such as printed newspapers, magazines do not exist
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about recent news, research project and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie or documentary, they need internet. There is another argument for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, such as Turkey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been offered
to apply for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
issues by using the internet, and this
is considered
a time saving feature for them.

On the other hand
, unlike those arguments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
thinking that they can maintain their life without having access to the internet. In a way, they could be right. The humankind had not been having internet access for almost ten thousand
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
they have
still
been existing up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the internet connection has an undeniable place in our life.
However
, it is not mandatory for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
alive.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Shops should be the preference in selling local food rather than imported food. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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