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The charts below provide the primary reason tourists visited Orange City in two different years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts below provide the primary reason tourists visited Orange City in two different years.
In recent times, some bitter life experiences has proved to be heavy in some people, who believed adopting good habitual deeds like setting up a charitable trust is the only way out of this. While some are more inclined towards helping people out of their own nation due to limited finances, others tend to extend their help internationally due to their trust in humanity. As there are several significant reasons for having a zoning restriction, our primary focus is mainly on inhibited money. To elaborate further, with fast-paced lifestyle highly influencing the mankind, a plethora of people turns a blind-eye towards donations. As a result of this, the charitable trusts invest its own budget with a little government's help to run their organisations, which highly prohibits these agencies to extend global help. For instance, taking India as an example, 80% of poor people in India acclaimed that the trustees who aids them takes up their own economical overhead with little or no intervention from the authorities. On the flip side, some of the trusts which have a colossal helping hand reaches out to under-privileged people globally. Moreover, these organisations which enforces their trust in humanity, does not feel reluctant to touch every soul which is in dire need for help. For example, speaking of Mother Teresa, she was born in a foreign land, but still extended her uninterrupted services to Indians till her last breath, as her belief in humanity and her unstoppable intention to help is highly praiseworthy. In conclusion, having considered the aforementioned reasons on both sides, few impoverished trustees prevent helping others in a different nation owing to their poverty-stricken financial status, while other organisations reach out to the needy without any boundaries and help beyond their calibre.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bitter life experiences has proved to be heavy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who believed adopting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habitual deeds like setting up a charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trust
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way out of this. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are more inclined towards helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation due to limited finances, others tend to extend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
internationally
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trust
in humanity.

As there are several significant reasons for having a zoning restriction, our primary focus is
mainly
on inhibited money. To elaborate
further
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced lifestyle
highly
influencing the mankind, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turns a blind-eye towards donations.
As a result
of this, the charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trusts
invest its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budget with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to run their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, which
highly
prohibits these agencies to extend global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
For instance
, taking India as an example, 80% of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India acclaimed that the trustees who
Did you mean "aid"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'trustees' should be used.
aids
them takes up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
economical overhead with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no intervention from the authorities.

On the flip side,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trusts
which have a colossal helping hand reaches out to under-privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
globally.
Moreover
, these
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
which enforces their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trust
in humanity, does not feel reluctant to touch every soul which is in dire need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
For example
, speaking of Mother Teresa, she
was born
in a foreign land,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
extended her uninterrupted services to Indians till her last breath, as her belief in humanity and her unstoppable intention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is
highly
praiseworthy.

In conclusion
, having considered the aforementioned reasons on both sides, few impoverished trustees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
helping others in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nation owing to their poverty-stricken financial status, while other
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
reach out to the needy without any boundaries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
beyond their
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below provide the primary reason tourists visited Orange City in two different years.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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