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Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or exp v.2

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? 2
More and more young adults are going to shopping in their free time and making it as a new habit. This essay will discuss why they made traveling to shops as a favorite thing to do which includes loss productivity, spending too much money. This essay will also suggest why they need to change their leisure activity which leads to gaining knowledge and develops new skills. Firstly, teenagers are spending too much of time in a shopping mall which have become a likeable activity. It is majorly due to the introduction of various types of shopping building where they give unique offers and accommodating the need of costumers. Next is it would have an negative effect too like putting weight due to the excess amount of food is being consumed just because the malls offers food which is affordable. For example, in India UKI an organization this is very famous. They built a mall where they have different shops within such as movie theatre, hotels, dressing vendors etc. . Due to these facilities where individuals have the chance to explore and go to variety number of shops. By recording above reason and examples, there is a change in trend where youth prefer going to shopping. Secondly, it is essential for teenagers to acclimatize to other leisure activities like: listening to music, going to gym. In fact, music will reduce the stress levels plus certain type of songs would also empower one’s motivational levels. In addition, exercising would greatly reduce body fat, develops brain function. For example, recent studies suggest that more than 20% of the adolescent aged people has shown significant rise in their productivity levels after introducing a activities. Therefore, individual should not stick too one type of activity they need to change it. To sum up, going to shopping with their peers have become a favorite activity. This essay discussed why teenage people prefer going to shops and their effects. This essay also suggested why young adults need to adopt to different free time activity which is advantageous.
More and more young adults are going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in their free time and making it as a new habit. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss why they made traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
as a favorite thing to do which includes loss productivity, spending too much money. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
suggest why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which leads to gaining knowledge and develops new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are spending too much of time in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall which have become a likeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. It is
majorly
due to the introduction of various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
building where they give unique offers and accommodating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of costumers.
Next
is it would have
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect too like putting weight due to the excess amount of food is
being consumed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the malls offers food which is affordable.
For example
, in India
Possible spelling mistake found.
UKI
an organization this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. They built a mall where they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
within such as movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, hotels, dressing vendors etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Due to these facilities where individuals have the chance to explore and go to variety number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. By recording above reason and examples, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in trend where youth prefer going to shopping.

Secondly
, it is essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to acclimatize to other leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like: listening to music, going to gym. In fact, music will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels plus certain type of songs would
also
empower one’s motivational levels.
In addition
, exercising would
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, develops brain function.
For example
, recent studies suggest that more than 20% of the adolescent aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
shown significant rise in their productivity levels after introducing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
, individual should not stick
Did you mean "to one"?
too one
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it.

To sum up, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
with their peers have become a favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed why teenage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and their effects. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggested why young adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which is advantageous.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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