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Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies? v.1

Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies? v. 1
People’s approach toward hobbies is changing dramatically. At present, shopping as a hobby is becoming popular, especially in youngsters. Indeed, shopping outlet’s services and lucrative offers are playing a key to pursue shopping as a hobby. However, shopping as a hobby is supposed not only for needless shopping but also expected of waste of time of individuals. Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young peopleTo begin with, there are numerous reasons why people are choosing shopping as a leisure activity. Firstly, nowadays shopping malls offer various services which are attracting people enormously. Facilities like children’s play section, café, and restaurants can be used for recreational activities. For instance, a recent report reveals that the majority of youngsters are more likely to acquire shopping as a leisure activity because of stores and shopping outlets are providing myriad services where they can easily spend their time. Secondly, commercial and in-person shopping are offering lucrative discounts all over the year; therefore, in order to acquire these products at low prices, people always observe these sites and stores. Consequently, they develop shopping as a hobby by engaging lots of time in this approach. Nevertheless, shopping is becoming an enriching hobby for many individuals; it is also increasing the needless shopping. It is generally true that frequent visit at shopping stores can compel people to buy things which are not in use for them in general. Unnecessary shopping affects people’s income, but companies are benefitted with this activity. Apart from that, many people experienced shopping as a hobby is a waste of time because they considered that without purchasing any single item from shops by regular visiting can lead to time consuming activity. Furthermore, as shopping hobby does not play an active role in the development of human beings as other activity such as reading books that increases the knowledge of people, thus other hobbies should be promoted. To sum up, hobbies vary from time to time and nowadays shopping is gaining vast popularity. People especially youngster choose shopping as a hobby because of various reasons such store’s services and attractive deals. However, it is considered that shopping as a hobby has not positive outcomes as compared to other activities so people should be encouraged to pursue other hobbies instead of shopping.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
approach toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
is changing
dramatically
. At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is becoming popular,
especially
in youngsters.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
outlet’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and lucrative offers are playing a key to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is supposed
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for needless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
of waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of individuals.

Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a new favorite pastime for young
Possible spelling mistake found.
peopleTo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are choosing
If 'choosing' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to shop".
shopping
as a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Firstly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls offer various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
which are attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enormously
. Facilities like children’s play section, café, and restaurants can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
, a recent report reveals that the majority of youngsters are more likely to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
outlets are providing myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
where they can
easily
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Secondly
, commercial and in-person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are offering lucrative discounts all over the year;
therefore
, in order to acquire these products at low prices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always observe these sites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
Consequently
, they develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
by engaging lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in this approach.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is becoming an enriching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals; it is
also
increasing the needless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. It is
generally
true that frequent visit at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
can compel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things which are not in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for them
in general
. Unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
income,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Apart from that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they considered that without purchasing any single item from shops by regular visiting can lead to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Furthermore
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
does not play an active role in the development of human beings as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as reading books that increases the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
should
be promoted
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
vary from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is gaining vast popularity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
especially
youngster choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to shop".
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various reasons such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and attractive deals.
However
, it
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
has not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
71Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Nowadays shopping has become a new favourite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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