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Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or exp v.1

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? 1
Some believe the past does not illuminate the present, whereas others say it is vital to know history to be able to understand the current times. Throughout this essay I will discuss both sides and give my opinion, which favours of the latter view. Supporters of the former opinion argue that events that happened in the past are irrelevant for today’s developments and events. This is because the essential topics of the globe are constantly changing due to past industrial development and continued technological breakthroughs. Therefore, looking for answers by observing the past would not provide us with answers for today. As an example, the daily struggles of a stone age man and those of a man from the new millennium are not similar: while one is trying to discover new ways to hunt a deer, the other is facing modern city life problems such as air pollution. However, examining the past provides human beings with an advanced knowledge on varied issues where human emotions and their basic necessities are involved. Since the beginning of time, individuals have shared common concerns and thoughts, such as having a shelter and maintaining good conditions for their life, even though the definition of these things may change depending on the era. For example, having shelter in one era meant having a cage, but now this definition stands for a flat or a house. Despite that, the core issues have remained the same. Therefore, understanding the past will provide light for the new roads ahead for humanity. To conclude, although history at many levels is not relevant with what is happening now in the world, since a great number of things have already been changed, I believe that it is vital to learn the past, as human beings are still sharing many common grounds with their ancestors such as feelings and the fundamental needs of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
does not illuminate the present, whereas others say it is vital to know history to be able to understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times. Throughout this essay I will discuss both sides and give my opinion, which
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
of the latter view.

Supporters of the former opinion argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that happened in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
are irrelevant for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s developments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the essential topics of the globe are
constantly
changing due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
industrial development and continued technological breakthroughs.
Therefore
, looking for answers by observing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
would not provide us with answers for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. As an example, the daily struggles of a
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
stone age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and those of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
from the new millennium are not similar: while one is trying to discover new ways to hunt a deer, the other is facing modern city life problems such as air pollution.

However
, examining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
provides human beings with an advanced knowledge on varied issues where human emotions and their
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
are involved
. Since the beginning of time, individuals have shared common concerns and thoughts, such as having a shelter and maintaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions for their life,
even though
the definition of these things may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
depending on the era.
For example
, having shelter in one era meant having a cage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
this definition stands for a flat or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Despite that, the core issues have remained the same.
Therefore
, understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
will provide light for the new roads ahead for humanity.

To conclude
, although history at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
levels is not relevant with what is happening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the world, since a great number of things have already been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, I believe that it is vital to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, as human beings are
still
sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
common grounds with their ancestors such as feelings and the fundamental needs of life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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