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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents today are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.633

Parents today are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 633
Compared to the few decades, parents nowadays are much more concerned to their children’s development and education. There are some factors causing this phenomenon, one of them is the higher level of the parents’ education. In my time, about 30 years ago, everything seemed so hard. I used to struggle by myself. I do believe that it did not only happen to me but also to most children in my age. In contrast, children are now found to be very taken care by their parents, especially about education. They bring their children to the best and most expensive school they can afford. Besides, they also give some additional course for their kids as early as possible. They have English or other foreign language course, sport course, or even life skill course. Other than that, some parents also invite teachers to teach in their house. Those examples may take place to the rich family. How about other who live simply? Yes, they still care much on their kids’ education. Besides trying to find the cheaper course, they also try to teach their kids the best. The only reason is all about competition. When I was a kid, my parents only thought about money, works, food, and house. They always asked us, their children, to be autonomous, to be independent. In addition to the less nutritious food intake, they used to ask us to help them to finish their jobs. Instead of helping doing our homework, they never asked about the lesson we had or the activities we did at school. With this condition, however, we feel that we are better in terms of our mental. Therefore, we could enroll to higher new level of education by ourselves without being accompanied by parents. To sum up, it is true that in present times, parents seem much more attentive to their children in term of education. Nevertheless, it does not mean that they could be better in their mental development.
Compared to the few decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nowadays are much more concerned to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors causing this phenomenon, one of them is the higher level of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
education.

In my time, about 30 years ago, everything seemed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to struggle by myself. I do believe that it did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happen to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in my age.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
found to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
taken care by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. They bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the best and most expensive school they can afford.
Besides
, they
also
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
as early as possible. They have English or other foreign language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, or even life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. Other than that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
invite teachers to teach in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Those examples may take place to the rich family. How about other who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
simply
? Yes, they
still
care much on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Besides
trying to find the cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, they
also
try to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
the best. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason is all about competition.

When I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about money, works, food, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. They always asked us, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to be autonomous, to be independent.
In addition
to the less nutritious food intake, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to ask us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to finish their jobs.
Instead
of helping
The verb 'helping' is used with an infinitive: "to do" or "do".
doing
our homework, they never asked about the lesson we had or the activities we did at school. With this condition,
however
, we feel that we are better in terms of our mental.
Therefore
, we could enroll to higher new level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by ourselves without
being accompanied
by parents.

To sum up, it is true that in present times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
seem much more attentive to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Nevertheless
, it does not mean that they could be better in their mental development.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents today are more involved in their children’s education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 633

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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