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shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the younger people why do you is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities v.1

shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the younger people why do you is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities v. 1
Shopping has become an integral part of our life. It is true that most of the younger people are being attracted by shopping rather than other activities. In my opinion, I agree that we should also be motivated to younger people for other tasks instead of shopping There are a lot of reasons why teenagers are more attracted to shopping. The first and foremost reason is that they are using social media on a regular base with the influence of social media they follow the celebrities of different nations. Moreover, they mimic them by purchasing the same type of clothes and shoes. In addition to it, they do not only waste their money on shopping but also they waste their time by visiting online shopping sites. Secondly, younger people want to live a luxurious life so for that they purchase expensive clothes, mobiles and many other electronic types of equipment. Likewise, they also show off their things to others by posting new pictures on Instagram and Facebook just for more likes and comments On the other hand, we can motivate teenagers for many other activities. Initially, parents and teachers can encourage the younger people for Sports competition and quiz games by giving some prizes to boost their confidence. Then, they will definitely motivate for these activities. Additionally, Healthcare clubs also encourage the younger people by giving proper guidance of good health and briefly explain to them how good health is beneficial for us then they will stay aware of these activities. Finally, they should also show any courage to the teenagers by giving the example of well-known players like famous football player Renaldo then they will motivate towards them To conclude that although shopping is a necessary part of our life. However, I believe that we should also encourage teenagers for other tasks such as Sports and job for a better lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has become an integral part of our life. It is true that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being attracted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we should
also
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
tasks
instead
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
shopping


There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are more attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. The
first
and foremost reason is that they are using social media on a regular base with the influence of social media they follow the celebrities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.
Moreover
, they mimic them by purchasing the same type of clothes and shoes.
In addition
to it, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
waste their money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they waste their time by visiting online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
sites.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
expensive clothes, mobiles and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
electronic types of equipment.
Likewise
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their things to others by posting new pictures on Instagram and Facebook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for more likes and comments

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, we can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Initially
, parents and teachers can encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for Sports competition and quiz games by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prizes to boost their confidence. Then, they will definitely motivate for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Additionally
, Healthcare clubs
also
encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by giving proper guidance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and
briefly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to them how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health is beneficial for us then they will stay aware of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Finally
, they should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
any courage to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
by giving the example of well-known players like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
football player Renaldo then they will motivate towards them

To conclude
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a necessary part of our life.
However
, I believe that we should
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
tasks such as Sports and job for a better lifestyle
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the younger people why do you is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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