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Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that. Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? v.4

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that. Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? v. 4
Nowadays, with a variety of options available in the market, shopping has become the leisure activity for most of the Millenials because they feel relaxed and confident while purchasing these articles. In my opinion, the youngsters should be motivated to spend their free time in more productive activities rather than hopping from shops to shops to enhance their personality. Shopping is one of the best stress-buster these days as it helps the people to relax their minds and boost their energy. Firstly, youth gets attracted to a plethora of items available in the market especially in the fashion industry. Several types of clothes are present, which force youngsters visit malls and buy them. Secondly, when these young people start earning, they think that the best utilization of their salary is to go for shopping and spend on branded products which were earlier out of their budget. According to me, these people should be made aware of other sources of entertainment as well. There are various other things which could keep them healthy as well as stress-free. For instance, joining any sports club will keep them fit and at the same, they will be able to interact with the other people resulting in a better social life. Furthermore, young people should also be encouraged to go on vacations and explore magnificent places. It will lead to new freshness in their life and will create lifetime memories which are not possible by shopping. In conclusion, these days shopping has become the most enjoyable thing for the young ones as they have more money to spend on themselves and keep them up-to-date. However, they should be told the benefits of other leisure activities like sports and vacations which would ultimately increase their social status.
Nowadays, with a variety of options available in the market, shopping has become the leisure activity for most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Millenials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel relaxed and confident while purchasing these articles. In my opinion, the youngsters should
be motivated
to spend their free time in more productive activities
rather
than hopping from
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "shops to".
shops to shops to
enhance their personality.

Shopping is one of the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-buster these days as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax their minds and boost their energy.
Firstly
, youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
attracted to a plethora of items available in the market
especially
in the fashion industry. Several types of clothes are present, which force youngsters visit malls and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
Secondly
, when these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best utilization of their salary is to go for shopping and spend on branded products which were earlier out of their budget.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be made
aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources of entertainment
as well
. There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free.
For instance
, joining any sports club will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit and at the same, they will be able to interact with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resulting in a better social life.
Furthermore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
be encouraged
to go on vacations and explore magnificent places. It will lead to new freshness in their life and will create lifetime memories which are not possible by shopping.

In conclusion
, these days shopping has become the most enjoyable thing for the young ones as they have more money to spend on themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them up-to-date.
However
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
leisure activities like sports and vacations which would
ultimately
increase their social status.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that. Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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