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Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time? v.1

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time? v. 1
Shopping has become an integral part of our life. Young people are more attracted to shopping compare to older generation and this is due to the fact it has become a habit for them. Some people argue that people spend more time in other beneficial activities in their free time. I completely agree with this point, because time is the most precious thing we have in this world. To start with, People spend more time in shopping because they have more purchasing power. There are many job opportunities available in the market compared to the past and almost all of them paid well. So peoples disposable income has been increased and they spend this in shopping. Another essential point is people spend due to influence by their peers who do shopping at almost every week, with no reasons. A recent survey from abc at the shopping mall in Kurukshetra city, indicate that most of their sales come from younger people, whom just start their career. In my view, Time is the most important thing and cannot be reverted. So we should encourage people to do some useful activities like sports or gym rather than wasting their time in shopping. Moreover, people from technical background can spend their time to enhance their skills. For example, Technical people can learn Artificial Intelligence, which would help them to grow in their career. To conclude, this is true that younger people attract to shopping very easily, but they should think and encourage about other activities which keep them healthy and up to date, which would help in their career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has become an integral part of our life. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
compare to older generation and this is due to the fact it has become a habit for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in other beneficial activities in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the most precious thing we have in this world.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more purchasing power. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities available in the market compared to the past and almost all of them paid well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
disposable income has been
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increased and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
this in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Another essential point is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
due to influence by their peers who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at almost every week, with no reasons. A recent survey from
Possible spelling mistake found.
abc
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kurukshetra
city, indicate that most of their sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career.

In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing and cannot
be reverted
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful activities like sports or gym
rather
than wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from technical background can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, Technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn Artificial Intelligence, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to grow in their career.

To conclude
, this is true that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attract to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and encourage about other activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy and up to date, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their career.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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