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It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime is a direct influence of the increase in violence in media. To what extent do you agree with the above statement? v.1

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime is a direct influence of the increase in violence in media. v. 1
It is considered that the growing rate of juvenile delinquency is linked to the aggression displayed on-screen these days. I firmly believe that the children are more toward committing a crime as a result of violence shown on TV. This essay will argue why the crime rate is on the rise among children after watching all these on TV, movies, or even an advertisement. To begin with, minors are highly influenced by media since they show that the protagonist is rewarded for his violent behavior; they become role models for their youth. After killing or punishing the antagonist for his punishable deeds, a small child who is gullible thinks it is alright to do such things as it was portrayed by his favorite character. An increase in the incidence of children getting physical like pushing or kicking people is the best example that we usually see around us. Thus, youngsters are easily convinced of the fictitious world because of not having experience in reality. Furthermore, the growing trend of video games is also supporting the idea of juvenile crime. Computer games are totally different as they were 10 years before; therefore, younger individuals spending a significant chunk of their time around violent games might desensitize them in reality. Grand theft is one of the examples that shows blood and revenge. While staying active on video games most of the time, children are more provoked of sensitive situations these days. To conclude, as a result of media in our day to day life, it has immensely affected small children to the point that they are encouraged to commit illegal activities. I totally agree with the above statement.
It
is considered
that the growing rate of juvenile delinquency
is linked
to the aggression displayed on-screen these days. I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more toward committing a crime
as a result
of violence shown on TV. This essay will argue why the crime rate is on the rise among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after watching all these on TV, movies, or even an advertisement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, minors are
highly
influenced by media since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the protagonist
is rewarded
for his violent behavior; they become role models for their youth. After killing or punishing the antagonist for his punishable deeds, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
child who is gullible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
it is alright to do such things as it
was portrayed
by his favorite character. An increase in the incidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
getting physical like pushing or kicking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is the best example that we
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
around us.
Thus
, youngsters are
easily
convinced of the fictitious world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not having experience in reality.

Furthermore
, the growing trend of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
also
supporting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of juvenile crime. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
as they were 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
;
therefore
, younger individuals spending a significant chunk of their time around violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might desensitize them in reality. Grand theft is one of the examples that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
blood and revenge. While staying active on video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
most of the time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more provoked of sensitive situations these days.

To conclude
,
as a result
of media in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life, it has
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the point that they
are encouraged
to commit illegal activities. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime is a direct influence of the increase in violence in media. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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