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Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you this it has more advantages or disadvantage? v.3

Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you this it has more advantages or disadvantage? v. 3
On several occasions, when we enter a restaurant or receive a home delivery, a student wearing a job cloak is on the other end providing the service. There are several factors that encourage students to take up part time jobs and this trend has both positive and negative aspects. To start with the benefits, the youth reap a lot of benefits by working temporarily. The extra source of income aids them in supporting the family besides covering their own expenses. If a student is prudent enough to acquire a position in a field relevant to their study, then the work experience elevates the standard of their resume. Students also learn effective time management when they work partially. Furthermore, an organised lifestyle impedes the youth from indulging in undesirable activities. On the down side, working while studying leaves the students with less or no time to nurture their hobbies or talents. What’s more, students operating part time have to handle a lot of pressure at such a tender age. It could even impair their performance at school or university, because they may not have enough time for their studies. Many studies have proved that the academic output of youngsters with freelancing job is not on par with their counterparts who do not work part time. In conclusion, after analysing the situation, it is not hard to see that working from home has both merits and demerits. If students choose to work, extreme care should be taken to ensure that their health or studies are not affected.
On several occasions, when we enter a restaurant or receive a home delivery, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
wearing a job cloak is on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
providing the service. There are several factors that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take up part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs and this trend has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the benefits, the youth reap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits by working
temporarily
. The extra source of income aids them in supporting the family
besides
covering their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expenses. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is prudent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to acquire a position in a field relevant to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience elevates the standard of their resume.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
also
learn effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
partially
.
Furthermore
, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
lifestyle impedes the youth from indulging in undesirable activities.

On the
Did you mean "downside"?
down side
, working while studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with less or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to nurture their hobbies or talents. What’s more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
operating part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
handle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure at such a tender age. It could even impair their performance at school or university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
have proved that the academic output of youngsters with freelancing job is not on par with their counterparts who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the situation, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that working from home has both merits and demerits. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, extreme care should
be taken
to ensure that their health or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you this it has more advantages or disadvantage? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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