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Shopping is now a popular pastime for many young people. What are the reasons for this? Should young people be encouraged to do more useful activities in their spare time? v.1

Shopping is now a popular pastime for many young people. What are the reasons for this? Should young people be encouraged to do more useful activities in their spare time? v. 1
The economic development has led to various changes in the current lifestyle of individuals. Shopping has become an integral part of our life. The youth are more attracted to this habit than older people and it has almost become their favourite hobby. While there are many reasons attributed to this habit such as increased spending power and peer influences, some people argue that they should be encouraged to spend their time wisely in other useful activities and I completely agree with that because time is the most precious thing in the world. To embark upon, the advantages of shopping helps in increasing the employment opportunities. The economic development is a positive sign of an economy, as it helps in increasing the disposable income of people. Individuals use this disposable income to shop various products. As a number of people go shopping, this raises the demands of products, further leading to increasing the production of products. All this increases the employment opportunities in the country. In addition, with the development in the technological area, shopping has become much more convenient. Shopping can easily be done online without the need to commute. This has increased the interest of individuals in shopping. Finally, people nowadays give more emphasis on looking good and presentable, as they feel this could help in a wider acceptance of their personalities in the society. Hence, people spend a good sum of money by indulging in the latest fashion. On the other hand, there are a number of downsides to this. A lot of individuals are spending a lot of money on clothes, whereas, they are not taking any measures towards their physical well-being. People should spend their time more productively, they can rather use their spare time in doing physical exercises than shopping for things which may not be necessary. In conclusion, it is true shopping has become an integral part of the youth's daily life. In my view, it is more vital for the youth to engage in other productive activities such as exercising, which will help in their well-being to a large extend.
The economic development has led to various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an integral part of our life. The youth are more attracted to this habit than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it has almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
hobby. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons attributed to this habit such as increased spending power and peer influences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that they should
be encouraged
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
in other useful activities and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the most precious thing in the world.

To embark upon, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in increasing the employment opportunities. The economic development is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of an economy, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in increasing the disposable income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this disposable income to shop various products. As a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, this raises the demands of products,
further
leading to increasing the production of products. All this increases the employment opportunities in the country.
In addition
, with the development in the technological area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
much more convenient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
can
easily
be done
online without the need to commute. This has increased the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays give more emphasis on looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and presentable, as they feel this could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in a wider acceptance of their personalities in the society.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sum of money by indulging in the latest fashion.

On the other hand
, there are a number of downsides to this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on clothes, whereas, they are not taking any measures towards their physical well-being.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more
productively
, they can
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in doing physical exercises than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for things which may not be necessary.

In conclusion
, it is true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an integral part of the youth's daily life. In my view, it is more vital for the youth to engage in other productive activities such as exercising, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in their well-being to a large extend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Shopping is now a popular pastime for many young people. What are the reasons for this? Should young people be encouraged to do more useful activities in their spare time? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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