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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.6

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 6
Most of the youngsters around the world, whether married or unmarried, consider shopping worthwhile to spend their free time. In terms of infrastructure advancement and luxury of an individual, I firmly believe that it is a good improvement of the society. This essay discusses how the influence of shopping malls came into the picture and how it can help an individual youngster to develop himself or herself in the society or family. To begin with, in most of the urban areas the industrial evolution enabled employment on a very high scale which resulted in people who were able to earn a good salary, spend their time after working hours in malls, theatres and other entertainment activities. Thanks to the rapid changes in fashion wares and trends, the malls became very popular among them. Furthermore, another reason could be the interest of an individual to express himself in a better version of himself when living in a populated area. On the other hand, for an independent person, activities like shopping helps to improve the aesthetic appearance which is an important for some of his personal and professional aspects. In addition to that, for a married couple, it gives a chance to spend their time with their partner and enable them to get to know about each other like their tastes, interests and preferences. Hence, in a way it can be agreed that this is a positive progress. In conclusion, there are several reasons why youngsters now a days are showing much interest in shopping than any other entertainment activity. Although there are some environmental impacts because of shopping, the progress of the generation and they strive to project themselves in a good manner can be observed.
Most of the youngsters around the world, whether married or unmarried, consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
worthwhile to spend their free time. In terms of infrastructure advancement and luxury of an individual, I
firmly
believe that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
improvement of the society. This essay discusses how the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls came into the picture and how it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual youngster to develop himself or herself in the society or family.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in most of the urban areas the industrial evolution enabled employment on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high scale which resulted in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were able to earn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary, spend their time after working hours in malls,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
entertainment activities. Thanks to the rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in fashion wares and trends, the malls became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among them.
Furthermore
, another reason could be the interest of an individual to express himself in a better version of himself when living in a populated area.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, for an independent person, activities like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the aesthetic appearance which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of his personal and professional aspects.
In addition
to that, for a married couple, it gives a chance to spend their time with their partner and enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
like their tastes, interests and preferences.
Hence
, in a way it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
progress.

In conclusion
, there are several reasons why youngsters
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
are showing much interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
entertainment activity. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, the progress of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
they strive to project themselves in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner can
be observed
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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