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in some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of the doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. what is your opinion about this? v.1

in some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of the doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. what is your opinion about this? v. 1
Nowadays, it has become more common to see that the rules restricting teens from coming outdoors without an adult are implemented in certain areas. This is intended to safeguard the teens from getting into any kind of trouble. Although there are people who talk against it, there are also people who vote for it. Although, there restrictions are intended to provide safety for teenagers, they are somehow lowering the morale of the teens in some regard. This usually happens when we are told not to do something on our own, just because of some bad examples around. This curfew diminishes the chances of the teens who always love to experiment with their lives. Some people believe that teenagers must be allowed to move freely as they should experience and learn for themselves the good and bad, even though some argue against it. Conservative parents always encourage these restrictions as they think that it will be an unnecessary risk to allow their children at night for any reason because of the recent incidents for example robbery and snatches. However, these restrictions are common near the forest areas, as the wild animals may attack people at night. As teenagers would not have a license to carry a gun for their safety, they are needed to be accompanied by an adult. Some areas are situated far away from the downtown and it becomes impossible for the teenagers to commute all alone. Also, there are no proper for example, street lights and pavements making it dangerous for them to travel alone. In a nutshell, the more secluded the area is, the more common these types of restrictions would be. Finally to summarize based on all the above reasons and focusing on the safety of the future generation, I believe that these restrictions are to be followed wherever necessary. This will ensure that teenagers do not have any unpleasant experiences in their life.
Nowadays, it has become more common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
from coming outdoors without an adult
are implemented
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This
is intended
to safeguard the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
from getting into any kind of trouble. Although there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who talk against it, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who vote for it.

Although, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
are intended
to provide safety for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, they are somehow lowering the morale of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regard. This
usually
happens when we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
not to do something on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
examples around. This curfew diminishes the chances of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
who always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to experiment with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
freely
as they should experience and learn for themselves the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue against it. Conservative parents always encourage these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will be an unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children at night for any reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the recent incidents
for example
robbery and snatches.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
are common near the forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, as the wild animals may attack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at night. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
would not have a license to carry a gun for their safety, they
are needed
to
be accompanied
by an adult.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are situated
far away from the downtown and it becomes impossible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to commute all alone.
Also
, there are no proper
for example
, street lights and pavements making it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them to travel alone. In a nutshell, the more secluded the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is, the more common these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
would be.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
to summarize
based on all the above reasons and focusing on the safety of the future generation, I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restrictions
are to
be followed
wherever necessary. This will ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
do not have any unpleasant experiences in their life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay in some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of the doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. what is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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