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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.3

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 3
Youngsters in most nations spend their free time while doing shopping. The reason behind this is that adults love to explore a new trend and I believe this is a negative development as young ones spend their hard earned money unnecessarily. Big brands in the whole world change the design of their products regularly to attract customers whether the company sells garments or electronic gadgets. There is a tendency in young citizens to explore new things in the market so that they became aware of the latest trends. Therefore, whenever the youngsters have spare time they go out in the market. One of my friends is a fashion geek and he loves to go shopping centres to check the new designed arrived in stores, in turn, he wastes valuable time which can be utilized for other works. I believe this negative trend adopted by young people is forcing themselves to spend extravagantly while they got out for shopping. Moreover, when they visit the market then ultimately they are wasting their precious time which can be spent cautiously on upgrading professional skills which might help at work. A recent survey by Times Now revealed the more than 50% of the young respondents admitted that they spend at least 20 hours per week at shopping centres and most of the time they purchased from the store. Therefore, this habit of young is beneficial for their overall growth. In conclusion, adults tend to go shopping because of curiosity regarding something new in the market, I affirm my viewpoint that this useless habit is wasting their money and precious time.
Youngsters in most nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. The reason behind this is that adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to explore a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
trend and I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money
unnecessarily
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
brands in the whole world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the design of their products
regularly
to attract customers whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
sells garments or electronic gadgets. There is a tendency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they became aware of the latest trends.
Therefore
, whenever the youngsters have spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they go out in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. One of my friends is a fashion
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
geek and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
designed arrived in stores, in turn, he wastes valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which can
be utilized
for other works.

I believe this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend adopted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
forcing themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
extravagantly
while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Moreover
, when they visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
then
ultimately
they are wasting their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which can
be spent
cautiously
on upgrading professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
at work. A recent survey by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
revealed the more than 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
respondents admitted that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
at least 20 hours per week at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from the store.
Therefore
, this habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
is beneficial for their
overall
growth.

In conclusion
, adults tend to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of curiosity regarding something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, I affirm my viewpoint that this useless habit is wasting their money and precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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