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The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.10

The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 10
Over the past 20 years, the people's health condition keeps decreasing continuously. I tend to agree with this statement, because of people in nowadays is likely eating unhealthy food and the polluted environment issue which is increasing every year after year. According to people's lifestyle in the present day, which is working hard and have no time to cook food at home, junk food is the trail for them. Junk food companies have expanded wildly in several countries, and more popular than the traditional food in each country. For instance, Macdonal is open 24 hours and it also extend in various countries, they cook a simple feed and easy to order and consume. This can cause the healthy problem in every age, especially in working age. Moreover, the polluted environment is another factor that affects people's health. For example, air pollution, which is in nowadays the air has more carbon dioxide than in the past, it causes of deforestation. Getting excess air pollution can cause several diseases, according to scientist's experiment, respiratory disease is caused by breathing excess carbon dioxide, and also can several diseases which come after. To sum up, it is obvious that standard of people's health getting decreases if we compare with the past. It is because of mainly two factors which are food consuming and air pollution during the current day.
Over the past 20 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
health condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
decreasing
continuously
. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
is likely eating unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the polluted environment issue which is increasing every year after year.

According to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
lifestyle in the present day, which is working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and have no time to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the trail for them. Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have expanded
wildly
in several countries, and more popular than the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in each country.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Macdonal
is open 24 hours and it
also
Did you mean "extends"?
extend
in various countries, they cook a simple feed and easy to order and consume. This can cause the healthy problem in every age,
especially
in working age.

Moreover
, the polluted environment is another factor that affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
health.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution, which is
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
has more carbon dioxide than in the past, it causes of deforestation. Getting excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution can cause several diseases, according to scientist's experiment, respiratory disease
is caused
by breathing excess carbon dioxide, and
also
can several diseases which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after.

To sum up, it is obvious that standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
health getting decreases if we compare with the past. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
mainly
two factors which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consuming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
day.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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