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Shopping has become new favorite past-time of young generation. Why is this case. should you encourage them to develop other habits. v.1

Shopping has become new favorite past-time of young generation. Why is this case. should you encourage them to develop other habits. v. 1
It is believed that travelling has become a major trend in this century and people are extending their route of destinations longer. This positive trend and several factors will be examined in this following essay. Numerous studies have consistently found that there are various reasons why travellers extending their destinations longer distances. Firstly, travellers intensively due to the existence of low-cost airlines. It is a fact that airline companies such as Air Asia or Nok Air are providing economy and affordable ticket price, people who have limited the budget can purchase to faraway countries such as Japan or Korea. Secondly, there is no boundary of the world due to the internet and social media, the wide ranges of journeys from the bloggers inspire people to get a chance and discover the world. For instance, they are going to Iceland to search for northern light and walking on the black sand beach or trekking to the Everest base camp in Nepal. Lastly, nowadays, people earn more money from their jobs. Some of them have part-time jobs on the weekend. As a result, they received a lot of money and paid for their dream destinations easier. In my opinion, this positive trend effect impact directly on the new generation. This leads to many youngsters to get out of their comfort zones and gain the new experience from other continents, learning other rich cultures and adapting to their life. Furthermore, they can get money from their valuable experiences. For example, they can create a YouTube channel to show their trips and earn money from view count. To sum up, there are various reasons why people travel longer distances and this becomes a positive trend, especially for the new generation who will lead the future.
It
is believed
that travelling has become a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
in this century and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are extending their route of destinations longer. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
and several factors will
be examined
in this following essay.

Numerous studies have
consistently
found that there are various reasons why
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
extending their destinations longer distances.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
intensively
due to the existence of low-cost airlines. It is a fact that airline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as Air Asia or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nok
Air are providing economy and affordable ticket price,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have limited the budget can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
to faraway countries such as Japan or Korea.
Secondly
, there is no boundary of the world due to the internet and social media, the wide ranges of journeys from the bloggers inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance and discover the world.
For instance
, they are going to Iceland to search for northern light and walking on the black sand beach or trekking to the Everest base camp in Nepal.
Lastly
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them have part-time jobs on the weekend.
As a result
, they received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and paid for their dream destinations easier.

In my opinion, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
effect impact
directly
on the new generation. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their comfort zones and gain the new experience from other continents, learning other rich cultures and adapting to their life.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their valuable experiences.
For example
, they can create a YouTube channel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their trips and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from view count.

To sum up, there are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel longer distances and this becomes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
,
especially
for the new generation who will lead the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Shopping has become new favorite past-time of young generation. Why is this case. should you encourage them to develop other habits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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