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The woman expresses her opinion of the announcement made by the University's Maintenance Department. State her opinion, and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The woman expresses her opinion of the announcement made by the University's Maintenance Department. State her opinion, and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Now days, most of the people are involving themselves to take care of the environment. Although some people believe that state authorities should take proper initiative to control the environment. I completely disagree on this and in this essay I will support my opinions with examples. Firstly, people prefer to live in peaceful and green place where they feel positive to lead the life and pollution free. This could happen if they start with caring their surroundings. For example, in India most of the people have got proper awareness about the environmental changes like global warming. So, people started to plant trees across the city with the help of public service companies, although they are using biodegradable or recycling materials for packing. Secondly, Industries should also want to contribute for environment control like producing degradable or recycle products and they have to use alternate resources like solar power energy and wind energy instead of traditional oil or coal energy source. For instance, recently countries around the world started migrating to Electric vehicles. In India, the Government has passed strict law to stop manufacturing and selling of BS4 vehicles in the country and they are approaching the people to move for Electric vehicles which results in a good amount of pollution control. I strongly believe that this could result in good environment changes the way forward. To conclude, I believe most of the adolescent people are well educated and have plenty of knowledge about the environment changes. So, it is more important that both the industries and the Government authorities should join their hands together to save the environment to lead a peaceful and healthier life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are involving
themselves to take care of the environment.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that state authorities should take proper initiative to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. I completely disagree on this and in this essay I will support my opinions with examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peaceful and green place where they feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to lead the life and pollution free. This could happen if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with caring their surroundings.
For example
, in India most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
proper awareness about the environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
like global warming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to plant trees across the city with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of public service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, although they are using biodegradable or recycling materials for packing.

Secondly
, Industries should
also
want to contribute for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
control like producing degradable or recycle
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternate resources like solar power energy and wind energy
instead
of traditional oil or coal energy source.
For instance
, recently countries around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
migrating to Electric vehicles. In India, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has passed strict law to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
manufacturing and selling of BS4 vehicles in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they are approaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
for Electric vehicles which results in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of pollution control. I
strongly
believe that this could result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the way forward.

To conclude
, I believe most of the adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that both the industries and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their hands together to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
to lead a peaceful and healthier life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The woman expresses her opinion of the announcement made by the University's Maintenance Department. State her opinion, and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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