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Some people believe it is important for universities to provide funding for student entertainment. Others believe university money should be used for academic purposes v.1

Some people believe it is important for universities to provide funding for student entertainment. Others believe university money should be used for academic purposes v. 1
It is irrefutable that the internet has great impact on everyone's life today. Although it has completely modified our lifestyle as well as communicating methods, it has also given rise to a myriads of issues that did not exist in the past. This essay will discuss those issues and will propose some measures to ameliorate the situation. Two decades ago, the preference of leisure activities were completely different as compared to the current ones. Earlier, juveniles use to be involved in any outdoor activity such as football or hockey, but now they prefer playing indoor computer games. Consequently, this has affected the overall health of the children. Gazing computer screens not only affect the eyesight of a child, but it also makes him lethargic and obese as they are turning into couch potatoes. A recent research concluded that the obesity rate among the youngsters have grown by 20% in last twenty years. With the introduction of social media in a youth's life, a dramatic change can be seen in their interaction patterns. They get extremely busy making virtual friends on Facebook and Instagram that they start ignoring people around them. This is one of the major issues for fights among the children and parents these days. This has let to limited interactions between a person and his loved ones. Conversely, pre computers era did not have this issue as earlier if a person wanted to talk to someone, he had to meet him face-to-face. There are various solutions that can be implemented to deal with this problem. Firstly, a limit should be enforced by the parents on the usage of digital gadgets. This can act as a deterrent and give children more time to spend on constructive works such as playing board games. Secondly, seminars and counselling sessions should be provided by various governments owned organizations to familiarize people how computers are jeopardizing their time, health and overall personalities. Thirdly, schools should make physical education class a compulsion so that every student is involved in some outdoor game or exercise. In conclusion, the invention of computers has created a lot of health issues as well as communication issues which need to be dealt with in a pragmatic manner.
It is irrefutable that the internet has great impact on everyone's life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Although it has completely modified our lifestyle
as well
as communicating methods, it has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a myriad" or simply "myriads"?
a myriads
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that did not exist in the past. This essay will discuss those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and will propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to ameliorate the situation.

Two decades ago, the preference of leisure activities were completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
as compared to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Earlier, juveniles
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
be involved
in any outdoor activity such as football or hockey,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they prefer playing indoor computer games.
Consequently
, this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
overall
health of the children. Gazing computer screens not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect the eyesight of a child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him lethargic and obese as they are turning into couch potatoes. A recent research concluded that the obesity rate among the youngsters have grown by 20% in last twenty years.

With the introduction of social media in a youth's life, a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in their interaction patterns. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extremely
busy making virtual friends on Facebook and Instagram that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
ignoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. This is one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
for fights among the children and parents these days. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
to limited interactions between a person and his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Conversely
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "computers'" or "computer's"?
computers
era did not have this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
as earlier if a person wanted to talk to someone, he had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
him face-to-face.

There are various solutions that can
be implemented
to deal with this problem.
Firstly
, a limit should
be enforced
by the parents on the usage of digital gadgets. This can act as a deterrent and give children more time to spend on constructive works such as playing board games.
Secondly
, seminars and counselling sessions should
be provided
by various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
organizations to familiarize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
how computers are jeopardizing their time, health and
overall
personalities.
Thirdly
, schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
physical education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
a compulsion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every student
is involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor game or exercise.

In conclusion
, the invention of computers has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
as well
as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
which need to
be dealt
with
Consider replacing "in a pragmatic manner" with the adverb for "pragmatic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a pragmatic manner
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe it is important for universities to provide funding for student entertainment. Others believe university money should be used for academic purposes v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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