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Shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Why do you think it is like that, and do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping? v.1

Shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Why do you think it is like that, and do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping? v. 1
It is certainly true that young ones are more inclined towards fashion and spend their leisure day on various shops for shopping. I believe that the younger should indulge in other activities in order to pass their second. This essay will consider further viewpoint in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, there are copious reasons why young generations are more driven towards shopping in their free moment. The most conspicuous one is that as gigantic shopping complex offers myriad of amenities, younger excel their spare moment on these lucrative services. To explain, children play areas, cafe and brand shops can be accessed for recreational activities. For instance, a research conducted by University of Western Sydney revealed that Westfield has become one of the recreational centres for young ones where they can spend quality minute. Nevertheless, there are certain other activities where younger can hang out. Primarily, sport and art are the prominent way in order to ward off boredom and indulge in creative activities to abide their leisure. To substantiate, sports such as basketball, tennis and volleyball and art work helps them to pass their moment, so that they learn about their hidden talent as well as know the value of an hour. To exemplify, some of the students start art classes during their spare time that definitely assist in the future. To conclude, it can be said that although shopping has become a trend among the young generation, there is a dire need to participate in other activities that aid to become self-conscious.
It is
certainly
true that
young
ones
are more inclined towards fashion and spend their leisure day on various shops for
shopping
. I believe that the younger should indulge in other
activities
in order to pass their second. This essay will consider
further
viewpoint in the subsequent paragraphs. To
begin
with, there are copious reasons why
young
generations are more driven towards
shopping
in their free moment. The most conspicuous one is that as gigantic
shopping
complex offers myriad of amenities, younger excel their spare moment on these lucrative services. To
explain
, children play areas,
cafe
and brand shops can
be accessed
for recreational
activities
.
For instance
,
a research
conducted by University of Western Sydney revealed that Westfield has become one of the recreational
centres
for
young
ones
where they can spend quality minute.
Nevertheless
, there are certain other
activities
where younger can hang out.
Primarily
, sport and art are the prominent way in order to ward off boredom and indulge in creative
activities
to abide their leisure. To substantiate, sports such as basketball, tennis and volleyball and art work
helps
them to pass their moment,
so
that they learn about their hidden talent
as well
as know the value of an hour. To exemplify,
some of the
students
start
art classes during their spare time that definitely assist in the future.
To
conclude, it can
be said
that although
shopping
has become a trend among the
young
generation, there is a dire need to participate in other
activities
that aid to become self-conscious.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Why do you think it is like that, and do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping? v. 1

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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