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several people are declaring the tv programme have to restrict the description about crime. v.2

several people are declaring the tv programme have to restrict the description about crime. v. 2
News frequently illustrating about the criminal issues specifically, but several people consider over the negative impact to the civilisation behaviour. They think having limited showcase would be better. In this case I highlighted agree, yet in the different technic. First and furthermore, we are as the open-minded society crave to have the up to date informations, particularly for local news. Many people, in more specific parents, are totally worry if their children would imitate the worst acting of the criminals. It definitely normal, because we understand that teenager is in the confusing phase, look for their genuine identity. However, too much anxiety would be more gaining some detrimental to the adolescents theirselves. The detail example is the young people would feel more curious over their parents prohibiting action for them. They tend to proof what is happening in the next. Undoubtedly, restricting television show about violation is needed, but I prefer to reset the time and scheduling new than destroying every scenes. Put the adult show at the night will be more effective, because no one of the kids are watching any channel. Time for resting and they are guarded by the guardians. Older is the only generation who get agree to consume television programme start from the evening because that is the only time adults have. Aged people will have a keen interest in solving the violation case, for instance the students in college will hold for a moment just to witness the upgrade information, hence they probably get the content for their study. Tu sum up, there are various ways to separate this kind. furthermore, My self-will stand to protect the originality of tv programme despite it deliver a violator.
News
frequently
illustrating about the criminal issues
specifically
,
but
several
people
consider over the
negative
impact to the
civilisation
behaviour
. They
think
having limited showcase would be better.
In this case
I highlighted
agree
,
yet
in the
different
technic
.

First
and
furthermore
, we are as the open-minded society crave to have the up to date
informations
,
particularly
for local news.
Many
people
, in more specific parents, are
totally
worry
if their children would imitate the worst acting of the criminals.
It
definitely normal,
because
we understand that
teenager
is in the confusing phase, look for their genuine identity.
However
, too much anxiety would be more gaining
some
detrimental to the adolescents
theirselves
. The detail example is the young
people
would feel more curious over their parents prohibiting action for them. They tend to proof what is happening in the
next
.

Undoubtedly
, restricting television
show
about violation
is needed
,
but
I prefer to reset the time and scheduling
new
than destroying every
scenes
. Put the adult
show
at the night will be more effective,
because
no one of the kids are watching any channel. Time for resting and they
are guarded
by the guardians. Older is the
only
generation who
get
agree
to consume television
programme
start
from the evening
because
that is
the
only
time adults have. Aged
people
will have a keen interest in solving the violation case,
for instance
the students in college will hold for a moment
just
to witness the upgrade information,
hence
they
probably
get
the content for their study.

Tu sum
up, there are various ways to separate this kind.
furthermore
, My self-will stand to protect the originality of
tv
programme
despite it deliver a violator.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay several people are declaring the tv programme have to restrict the description about crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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