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54. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

54. The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
No one can deny that there are both positive and negative aspects about the most important thing that person earns from a job. If i were forced to choose, i would definitely prefer the money that i earn. It is my firm belief for a number of reasons, and i will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs. First and foremost, is that you can spent the money you earned on your leisure time activity. It is mostly productive for person, because after that you will work hardly and with great supply of energy. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. You see, my parents work hardly for a year, and climbed the corporate ladder. After a while their company got them a cruise ticket to made them to work more interestingly. As a result they came back with an enormous supply of positive energy, because they knew that their salary will increase. For this reason i think that the money person earns from a job, is the most important thing at all. Secondly, the money that you earned, can spend on education or sporting activity. Now we live in a society that whether you like or not, you need to learn something new every day. Sport is also an important part of our life, because it makes you to be ready to all conditions. Drawing from my own experience, my father worked as an engineer, but he wanted to become data scientist. So that is why he spent part of his salary on studying data science. Moreover got crossfit classes to be always in tonus. He was as the early bird gets the worm. Now he is working as data scientist and we can say without doubt that he is the capitan of ones own ship. It is certainly clear to see that if you spend your salary in a right way, you will be in a great success. To make a long story short, in light of above mentioned reasons, i strongly believe that the most improtant aspect of a job is the money the person earns, because it helps him to relax in his free time, and also to wade step by step.
No one can deny that there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects about the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earns
from a job. If
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
were forced
to choose,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would definitely prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
. It is my firm belief for a number of reasons, and
Did you mean "I"?
i
will develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the subsequent paragraphs.

First
and foremost, is that you can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you earned on your leisure time activity. It is
mostly
productive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after that you will
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'work'.
work hardly
and with great supply of energy. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal experience. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, my parents
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'work'.
work hardly
for a year, and climbed the corporate ladder. After a while their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
them a cruise ticket to made them to work more
interestingly
.
As a result
they came back with an enormous supply of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they knew that their salary will increase.
For this reason
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earns
from a job, is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing at all.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that you earned, can spend on education or sporting activity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society that whether you like or not, you need to learn something new every day. Sport is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you to be ready to all conditions. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, my father worked as an engineer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he wanted to become data scientist.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that is
why he spent part of his salary on studying data science.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Possible spelling mistake found.
crossfit
classes to be always in
Possible spelling mistake found.
tonus
. He was as the early bird
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the worm.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is working as data
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
scientist and
we can say without doubt that he is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
capitan
of ones
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "owns"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'own' is not always incorrect.)
own
ship. It is
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that if you spend your salary
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
, you will be in a great success.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, in light of above mentioned reasons,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
believe that the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
improtant
aspect of a job is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earns
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to relax in his free time, and
also
to wade step by step.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay 54. The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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