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Describe a TV programme that you have seen and interested you. You should say: - when and where you saw the programme - what happens during the programme - what you felt about the programme - and explain why you enjoyed the programme so much. v.1

Describe a TV programme that you have seen and interested you. You should say: - when and where you saw the programme - what happens during the programme - what you felt about the programme - and explain why you enjoyed the programme so much. v. 1
Sometimes, in interviews, some employers ask job candidates for personal data such as hobbies and interests, or family situation. Some people think that this info should be confidential and candidates for jobs don't have to give private data to employers. For instance, in a suburb of Paris, people applying for jobs said, in their Curriculum vitae, they lived in a very unpopular suburb and they practiced Rap Music. This person hasn't been chosen for the position while they had all the skills and degrees for it. In this case, personal information can be the cause of a kind of "discriminations". In the other hand, some employers prefer to have very united work's team because they think it's a factor to improve their ability in companies. In this case, personal info such as hobbies and interests could be very precious. Finally, a work's team who share the same interests and hobbies is more performance because of the good relationships between each member. Secondly, a man applying for jobs, who have hobbies and interests, shows that he has a balanced life. It's the same for a woman. In my opinion, give some personal information when I have an interview for a job could be a way of talking about me. I think an employer has to know which person he has in front of him. It's much more important if the position request responsibility. At final, even so sometimes it's not really relevant or useful to give personal information for people applying for a job, most of employers have to know their interests, hobbies, or familial situation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, in interviews,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
candidates for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
, or family situation.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this info should be confidential and candidates for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give private data to employers.

For instance
, in a suburb of Paris,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
said, in their Curriculum vitae, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unpopular
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
suburb and
they practiced Rap Music. This person hasn't
been chosen
for the position while they had all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and degrees for it.

In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information can be the cause of a kind of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
discriminations
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

In the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
prefer to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
united work's team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their ability in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
info such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
precious.

Finally
, a work's team who share the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
is more performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships between each member.

Secondly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that he has a balanced life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
the same for a woman.

In my opinion, give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information when I have an interview for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
could be a way of talking about me. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
know which person he has in front of him.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
if the position request responsibility.

At final, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not
really
relevant or useful to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, or familial situation.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Describe a TV programme that you have seen and interested you. You should say: - when and where you saw the programme - what happens during the programme - what you felt about the programme - and explain why you enjoyed the programme so much. v. 1

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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