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More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long v.2

More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long v. 2
Todays, there is a fact that traffic jams and air pollution are becoming worse and worse with the rapidly increasing in the number of commuters who live in the countryside. However, there are some solutions that can be taken into account to solve these problems as will be mentioned below. Firstly, one obvious way is that the government should have some policies to encourage employers, especially in manufacturing fields, to put their factories in the country. In this case, local labors should be priority considered to work in these industrial facilities. As a result, in spite of a a large number of cars and buses which are full with people travelling on the road everyday, it will be reduced to a few trucks that convey goods to the cities. For those staffs who have to work in the cities, a good solution is to encourage them to live in urban area with the development of “vertical city”. By building mix-used high rise buildings and skyscrapers which provide functional spaces for offices, apartments, shopping centers, entertainer facilities, etc. , people can spend their daily life in just a tower without any vehicle that harm the environment. A good example is the normal day of Donald Trump in Trump Tower. He lives in the penthouse of this building, then goes to work in his office on the 40th floor, trains his body in a fitness center on level 5 and has a fine dining on level 10. In conclusion, I believe that the combination of the two solutions above can solve the problem of traffic congestion and environmental issues that are caused by those people who are travelling a long way to work everyday.
Todays
, there is a fact that traffic jams and air pollution are becoming worse and worse with the
rapidly
increasing in the number of commuters who
live
in the countryside.
However
, there are
some
solutions that can
be taken
into account to solve these problems as will
be mentioned
below.

Firstly
, one obvious way is that the
government
should have
some
policies to encourage employers,
especially
in manufacturing fields, to put their factories in the country.
In this case
, local labors should be priority considered to
work
in these industrial facilities.
As a result
,
in spite of
a
a large number of
cars and buses which are
full with
people
travelling on the road
everyday
, it will be
reduced
to a few trucks that convey
goods
to the cities.

For those staffs who
have to
work
in the cities, a
good
solution is to encourage them to
live
in urban area with the development of “vertical city”. By building mix-
used
high rise buildings and skyscrapers which provide functional spaces for offices, apartments, shopping centers, entertainer facilities, etc.
,
people
can spend their daily life in
just
a tower without any vehicle that harm the environment. A
good
example is the normal day of Donald Trump in Trump Tower. He
lives
in the penthouse of this building, then goes to
work
in his office on the 40th floor, trains his body in a fitness center on level 5 and has a fine dining on level 10.

In conclusion
, I believe that the combination of the two solutions above can solve the problem of traffic congestion and environmental issues that
are caused
by those
people
who are travelling a long way to
work
everyday
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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