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Several languages die every year. Many people feel this is a positive trend and that a world with fewer languages promotes harmony and understanding between people. Analyze both sides of this argument and provide your opinion. Provide specific examples and v.1

Several languages die every year. Many people feel this is a positive trend and that a world with fewer languages promotes harmony and understanding between people. Analyze both sides of this argument and provide your opinion. Provide specific examples and v. 1
Sports has revolutionized the world dynamically over the past few decades. They not only improve skills and abilities but also makes the person adventurous and passionate. Many believe that dangerous sports should be banned while others think there should be freedom to choose these sports. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and give an opinion in the end. Sometimes Dangerous sports are linked with our traditions, cultures and beliefs. In these sports, chances of getting injuries are more or in some cases it often leads to the death of a person as well as spectators. For example, Formula One racing, there are instances, when high-speed driver car hits the stand, hurting not a driver but also the person sitting in stands. In addition to this, families of a sportsman are always tensed and worried when they perform. Hence, some people demand that it should be prohibited. However, a segment of society thinks that one should feel free to do any sports. Some people love challenges and they want to explore their skills and strength under extreme conditions through these sports. Furthermore, one ought to be trained properly and adopt all safety measures like protecting guards should be used. For instance, while wrestling, wrestlers could wear knee pads, gloves and mouthpiece. Moreover, a person who is financially weak, it can be a good opportunity for him to earn a handsome income or pursue it as a career. Hence, one can decide its own whether to choose or not In conclusion, I believe that the importance of extreme sports cannot be overemphasized, rather proper safety and regulations should be implemented to make them safer for sportspersons.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "sport has".
Sports has
revolutionized the world
dynamically
over the past few decades. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
adventurous and passionate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there should be freedom to choose these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and give an opinion in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are linked
with our traditions, cultures and beliefs. In these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, chances of getting injuries are more or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to the death of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
as well
as spectators.
For example
, Formula One racing, there are instances, when high-speed driver car hits the stand, hurting not a driver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
sitting in stands.
In addition
to this, families of a sportsman are always tensed and worried when they perform.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
demand that it should
be prohibited
.

However
, a segment of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that one should feel free to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
challenges and
they want to explore their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and strength under extreme conditions through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Furthermore
, one ought to
be trained
properly
and adopt all safety measures like protecting guards should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
For instance
, while wrestling, wrestlers could wear knee pads, gloves and mouthpiece.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is
financially
weak, it can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for him to earn a handsome income or pursue it as a career.
Hence
, one can decide its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
whether to choose or not

In conclusion
, I believe that the importance of extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
cannot
be overemphasized
,
rather
proper safety and regulations should
be implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them safer for
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Several languages die every year. Many people feel this is a positive trend and that a world with fewer languages promotes harmony and understanding between people. Analyze both sides of this argument and provide your opinion. Provide specific examples and v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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